「羊ガ...」

ah, finally, finish my studies for the day..

after a stressful 3 hours Miyano Mamoru's counting sheep track suddenly came to my mind as i needed to destress n wind myself down - thanks to my shiroi tenshi

halfway through, i decided to change tracks to Yuki Kaida who does a Fuji Shusuke/Syuusuke, (Prince of Tennis) voice to count sheep..stumbled upon Tezuka's voice actor's first..KYAAA!!! who counted sheep, but the voice actor who took on the role of a - butler? but i decided to trance myself with "Fuji's" voice..and there was a instrumental track that accompanied "him"..really almost slept!

Yuki Kaida "Why..can't sleep? My voice..can't (make you sleep)..?"
moe-ing your favourite voice (actor) to count sheep for you to sleep - think really can sleep meeeeeh?! XD

now "Tezuka's" *giggle*

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it's a little easier

still exploring, still learning to know what i like, what i don't like

my time-table rocks, gives me a chance to do the rest of the things i like X3

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back in its sheath

time allowed me to show Streetfest pics, to friends of mine, different time, different locations, telling them "oh this photo's (this and that)" ..before i could talk about mine - and as far as i can remember - three or four of them pointed to the photograph of myself with the wig and asked, "So this is a male too?"

i've always wanted to do the opposite - proven by people who've never had the experience nor knowledge of cosplaying with an (i'd realised) ambiguous photo shot angle - my dream come true

Louis is next..

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imperfection and confidence

In a nutshell: the lady with imperfection vents her frustrations. In comes a man also with an imperfection. What he has compliments her and vice-versa, but each must get used to each other's imperfection = perfection

it's actually the dancers' true stories of their own lives. The ballerina learnt since 9 years of age but years later lost an arm in an accident. She rekindled her love for dancing when she taught kids how to dance for their dancing lessons. However she was rejected again n again, taunted by many just because she has one arm, saying that she couldn't make it

She found a partner. The male lost his limb in an accident. He learnt dancing from her just because he had nothing better to do. He gave up 3 times in the process

But she was patient with him. And together they joined China's talent show (the whole of China!) - competing with non-handicapped contestants - and won

know, understand and walk through the imperfection with each other, each other complimenting each other. It doesn't have to be a couple relationship - the same goes with friends - thank you all for tolerating my imperfection and helping me to be perfect in those areas of imperfection..compliments..all of you

everyone has the potential to make it..it's also about confidence..how does one start? Tell yourself, "I'm not as bad as I think I am." Don't shallow yourself as you say that but believe in yourself. Because no one will believes you if you don't believe in yourself - that, to me, is a root to confidence

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Time

inspired by real life events and Bleach characters
Time (click here to read)

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how much do i need..

hours before dawn there was a sound of an avalanche in the storeroom to which a few seconds later i drifted to sleep

this morning i awoke n found a blister on my toe. As i went to the storeroom to get my plaster i remembered the avalanche. i opened the door - and froze

out of nowhere, Monoploy board game had fallen - and a slight mess within - dragging along the bags that were hung next to it, landing onto smaller things like hair mousse, mosquito spray, liquid soap (huge bottle)..all cluttered all over the floor

it was the Monopoly that got me rooted to the floor

まさか...

i fought back insanity, "No, it just fell, there's no connection whatsoever.."

i almost snapped in nervous breakdown because i was screaming within, begging that everything would be alright, one shock yesterday, now this - it cannot be that coincidental..

i stood rooted for a minute, although in my mind was, "pick up, pick up.." it wasn't until i heard a movement that i forced myself to snap out of it

and the sky's dark with thunder..went to the kitchen n brought the clothes back in from the pegholes..i really feel very uncomfortable..although there's a cute doggie (looks cute from my view) sniffing from one bush to another

as i left the kitchen for the hall..just one..

無事だよ...

i'd learnt a lot by de-linking but if the root of the "why" hasn't been solved, i'd never be able to de-link things n move on in my life. So it's amazing that i still am able to hit some Japanese in this wreck state i'm in..i know, i don't sound wrecked just because i'm using my mind to move my fingers on the keyboard at the same time

i wanted to try something n upload on YouTube...but..the Monopoly..i can't..like Muru, somehow i'm "shut up"

but sidetrack: no matter what, learning Japanese is my childhood dream. i'm not going to let anything hinder this dream

and i just got a smaller shock..i was "re-edited" - rather a photo of mine XD if i have such smooth face - aw man i'm so jealous!!!! XD!!!! PROST YA!!!!! XD

AND WHY IN THE WORLD HAD I NOT USED NEUTROGENA PORE REFINING TONER EARLIER?!!! just one nite n - i am LOOKING at the differencE in the mirror !!!!! Highly recommended

oh i just remembered..i've got homework..

right, i'll reply some ema..

i just read two..i froze in shock again and my life..just went to the drain once more..i can't stop cursing n swearing at the pain that i'm taking..had i fucking read my inbox earlier..

anyway..i'll reply emails..*groan* Dai Gor..du..XD!!!!! make my dream come true make my dream come true..weiss..ja ja..farben, farben..verstehe verstehe..

「just one wish
before」 i deny my「self」
kick ass, LOST REASON..KYAAA!!! I CAN NEVER SING LIKE NISHIKAWA TAKANORI!!!!! HE ROCKS!!!! of COURSE i KNOW my voice..

i never knew i've ended up like someone i never want to be

the only thing that's different - my rock roots, the only so-call tangible existence that i'm clinging on..in this wrecked state i'm in i'm not even sure if i can sing this weekend..

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insomnia

as usual

two good news is not enough to crash my depression

i hate the library, it's very noisy now. i've nowhere to study in peace

people say even non bgr relationships have phases: first few months the honeymoon phase = everything's "sweet" and "nice". But once got to know better, that's when u "see" one another = outbursts, misunderstandings, taking one another for granted, "i thought", "you thought", "i should've done this n that..."

thus my insomnia

cos the truth is out, just as i feared

suicide is the best if not for counselling hours later

cos my pillar has crashed

even after counselling i'd still feel heavy - not bcos the counselling won't work, but - kids, don't try this ever - the pain i refuse to let go to punish myself

i don't know what i am now, i feel i'm a fcukin entity to the world now

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