hishashiburi

it's been a long time since i've blogged

thanks to my classmate i got a temp job. i'm glad he's happy with his new job. My experience in the workplace is a different story from his

after so many years not working i've forgotten about self-confidence which i have little to begin with. i'm overwhelmed being in a big office with so many people and my dressing - of course, differs from everyone. Black is my favourite colour. My makeup's pretty Goth as i go for pale look and dead-coloured lipstick but it contridicts my outgoing disposition when chatting with colleagues - i'll talk about the chat part later in this entry

as for the work itself is another story. there is someone who i have a problem working with n dat's the person i have to work with everyday. i know of people who are good at what they do but they cannot teach for nuts, confusing others when they teach. i am the victim - n it's been a long time since i was shown an exasperated expression at work

hey it ain't my fault, my teachers didn't teach me n i din know wtf u need cos u're not talking to the point n leave the people who ask u confused, be it those of lower or higher hierachy than u - i wonder why u're hired in the first place

everytime i groan inwardly, curb my tongue and frustration whenever i have to learn from the person. The person absolutely cannot teach n it's always, inwardly i always end up with the "WTF" phrase in full in my heart. i hope i dun blurt that phrase out one day - absolute frustration. i have no confidence when it comes to work.

it's difficult to have two-sided conversations with 98% of them as they prefer the sound of their own voices. from next week onwards i'll just smile and make neutral reactions cos they just want someone to throw their frustrations to or listen to their chatter. i find it very hard as an individual to blend into the environment as they are all older than me, married, kids, not into young people's trends, just in the world of their "old" world

anyway, i'm just glad that i dun have to stay long there as i heard that a certain percentage of work will cease operation. i'm really looking forward to that day when they say i'm not needed anymore

and although i'm somewhere along where people would hang out to shop etc i'd realised i dun have the means to afford such $10+ lunches. there isn't much for leisure walkarounds too n i'm already bored with that area - i've such a short attention span - i've set my expectations too high, why not? i'm working in a reputated company in a reputated area of shopping haven - and NO i'm NOT telling where i work..even a person of low intelligence would know when to keep one's mouth shut

wat's even more mind-boggling is how to juggle between work and studies! i've to learn new things about work at home but i've still my Jclass to attend n to pursue for. Thank goodness the Korean drama i'm chasing is ending soon if not i'll have a big problem with my end-of-level exam which is as tough as JLPT

speaking of the latter...i shouldn't have taken it in the first place. N5 is far longer than the time i finished my level and N4 which i'm taking the big risk to sit for it as it is one level above my current curriculum.  i haven't had the time to prepare as every night i've to sleep early at about 9pm plus to gain proper mental n physical health for the next working day, not to mention i've to help my mum in her homework - i've no time for myself!

needless to say i'm lost and much worst, cynicism has returned and my old mask that i've thrown away is back - i hate this, really

although i've taken the day off to study, i'd realised i need the break to SLEEP but i can't, it's almost half a day n i haven't done anything for Sunday's N4..

although i'm ELATED that KINO HAS VASSALORD 4!!!! and i'm still excited having to see a real Abel Nightroad

i've to sit for N4 - before anything more