forgot that the print ink smudged at the slighest drop of water - so u imagine when huge heavy drops of water splashed on the printed papers (which got me wondering how come books aren't smudged? is it the ink or paper or both?)
commence "save the printed paper" operation. All papers one-sided. So i cut some parts of paper B to glue onto Paper A, wrapped the entire paper with plastic flim - so glad of those clear plastic self-adhesive bags i kept, feeling that one day these would be needed - and today's the day. Sealed each open side with tape, making sure each side is entirely taped - waterproof as much as possible including taking the loose bits and pieces together to make the final piece of flim, tape each piece to the textbook, making sure each one doesn't fall out - in total 6 hours to complete
no forgetting sealing my stuffies (stuff toys) on the table
call me overdo or anything but i wan the best for myself
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!! when i saw the heading...but really it's actually fanmade - someone tried to imitate the character of Tezuka Kunimitsu in Prince Tennis..IT'S LIKE TEZUKA-BUCHOU TRIED ACTING CUTE!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!!! BUAY TAHAN!!!!! i can imagine Ryoma's face wincing, saying, "YA DA!!!!" or Oshitari sighing in exasperation!!!!
it's really a good attempt at the voicing...(STILL LAUGHING!!!!)
erm..buchou..leave the act cute to Fuji or White Day-chasing to Oshitari ba...XD!!!!!
"la la la la la la walazu.. UTAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! (cracked Tezuka in Megane Talk tracks)"
it's not kicking myself, it's not saying "%^$#@ why didn't i think of that earlier?!"
it's a matter of once i get the hang of it, ideas start pouring in
my textbook is in a mess: bits n pieces of information are scattered in the supposed "main content", many short bullet-point answers to one section of questions at the end of the supposed "chapter", long answers in essay format in other section of questions and finally MORE bulleted-format points in their supposed "summary". i seriously tell u since i take a long time to absorb and understand black-n-white prints it will take me more than one day to collate the whole dam thing!
so what i did was to TYPE OUT EVERYTHING - YES, that was what i did, including my own notes cos their definitions are missing and even they have they keep using the same phraseS in ALL the abovementioned, rearranging them into one detailed topic at a time (note that there are many topic in one WHOLE PROPER CHAPTER)
it was then i started thinking: ok, so i type out everything, many in advance before the teacher teaches but how do i add the teacher's notes in? i was thinking of saving paper by buying a LG phone that looks like a Palm Pilot and save all my notes as Word into the phone (my handphone's dying anyway) but there may be a backlight problem - my Nokia doesn't allows its backlight to shine forever and it's so irritating whenever it goes off abruptly while reading a document!
Then i thought of taking pictures of my notes in class and insert them as a picture file into Word and re-arrange them among the whole-typed-out-everything-Word-document. But it really is time-consuming.
It took me from last Thursday til now - the wee hours of Wednesday - to type out the whole thing..i panicked - dun tell me i've to do this EVERYTIME?!
it was then something dawned onto me - an improvisation of what i've done. There are 3 things to a chapter: the textbook, my own notes and what teacher says in class (class notes)
i'd written cross-references ie pg what, number what (n i number the bullet points IN PEN cos pencil marks easily fade off as months go by and when i revise i wouldn't know what is where) at the end of each topic before typing each topic out
i can dun type each topic cos it's time-consuming, useless repetition and wasting paper n ink if i print the whole thing out! Instead, i'll just keep to writing cross-references at each topic, fully utilising my textbook
as for my own notes, can't help it but to type out then print them out and they are further cross-references which i will add beside the already cross-referenced-everything-topics-in-the-textbook. Compared to the type-and-print-my-notes-plus-textbook's i've saved lotsa paper - and trees!
class notes i'll still be writing n drawing diagrams if needed but i'm not going to retype! i leave them as they are and cross-reference them in my textbook and - like pages to a book - use sticky tape to tape beside the pages of my own notes
by doing so i'll save minimum 3 days of ample time to read the next chapter and repeat the same process instead of torturing myself to type all - just one chapter without studying for it! - almost one %^%# week!!!!
yeeeeah!!!!
but for now, well, i'm way backlog due to the almost-one-week-of-typing-everything..will make up for the loss as much as i can when i wake up
i'm no genius like Fuji or intellectual like Tezuka - i've always thought i have a simple brain but it surprises me at the rate it moves at this age of mine
no mood to compile notes..die lor...tonight must biaaaaaaaaaa...
things start to sink into me..it's not a matter of compromise anymore..it's that i've to boost up my own morale by showing and being confident to people of who i am, what i like, my wants, not compromising out of hesitation - i think if i start doing that i won't be that drained out and diassociate again...and the same can be said of relationships..and i'm glad it's never too late to learn valuable lessons in life
i hate doing research cos teacher said it isn't necessary but that's wrong cos we've to write out the answers "your own words" and i've spent two freakin' hours trying to find the right info!
so in between i thought of surfing some Gundam pics..then was curious when i saw "ecchi Gundam" - POW! - and even Tieria has A PHYSIQUE!
and i saw pics of my fav BL pairing - Tieria and Lockon (i'd realised at first i typed Lick instead of Lock)..of course Tieria's the "female" and there are some pics that make me go - "draw on! why stop there!" and blush at Tieria's titillating poses..ah, lemme see those pics again before continuing my research..pfff
and it's up to me to stand up for it - not by lashing out but by the reversing the tide - i've got to do it, if not, one day i'll commit suicide from insanity and crime
one of the many which i suffer from and still untreated - although no money for this expensive treatment i'll do all that i can to make myself better
A normal response and defense against trauma, "dissociation is an unexpected partial or complete disruption of the normal integration of a person’s conscious or psychological functioning that cannot be easily explained by the person. Dissociation is a mental process that severs a connection to a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity, and allows the mind to distance itself from experiences that are too much for the psyche to process at that time
Dissociation has been described as one of a constellation of symptoms experienced by some victims of multiple forms of childhood trauma, including physical abuse and child sexual abuse. This is supported by studies which suggest that dissociation is correlated with a history of trauma
Symptoms of dissociation resulting from trauma may include depersonalization, psychic numbing, disengagement, or amnesia regarding the events of the abuse. It has been hypothesized that dissociation may provide a temporarily effective defense mechanism in cases of severe trauma; however, in the long term, dissociation is associated with decreased psychological functioning and adjustment. Other symptoms sometimes found along with dissociation in victims of traumatic abuse (often referred to as "sequelae to abuse") include anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem, somatization, depression, chronic pain, interpersonal dysfunction, substance abuse, self-mutilation and suicidal ideation or actions. These symptoms may lead the victim to erroneously present the symptoms as the source of the problem"
i told myself to look forward for the sake of the kids and their father
i saw him looking outside, silent and alone
Look away, i told myself, look away. The kids were providing me a good distraction but my heart ached as i looked at them - n the kids needed me (i'm their playmate, heehee). i gave up, i ate very little and let them lead me
to hear the elders talking about what he's doing now - it's even more heart-wrenching. Again playing with the kids provided a good distraction. The elder one has grown up a lot. i fear for the younger one - i just hope we can be there for them, no matter how much the years pass
Watched Lord of the Rings so many times: Gandalf's fall didn't upset me but yesterday - it gave me a good avenue to cry a little. Boromir's death too (the first time i watched it, i din feel anything - until i saw the light Legolas' eyes disappeared, only to gaze silently in grief - from afar - at Boromir's final breaths). And after a few times of watching, Sam giving chase to follow Frodo to the other side of the river din affect me - only until yesterday
i couldn't sleep yesterday, i was hungry and too upset...suddenly i realised - i'm alone..i wanted to talk, but i din wan to pull anybody down - furthermore the night's getting too late for anyone to bear my grief. My heart was so heavy i couldn't cry.
in the darkness of the early morning, i wish there was someone whom i can cry to and lean on
and now, at morning's new light - this wish i still ask for
Up again.. ALLES GUTE ZUM GEBURTSTAG DAI GOR!!!!! PROST NYAAA!!!!!
ah...i've found a way not a buy a tablet (thanks to AL"Shiroi Tenshi"P) but i've to experiment with it first. Since i draw charts on paper to aid my studies i was wondering if i could take a picture from the chart-on-paper (this ingenious method i learnt from an informal meeting i attended) and (my experiment) edit in Word by typing it over! If this fails - tablet, heartpain but no choice
yudan sezu ni ek's'parimento!!! (ek's'parimento = i ' the romaji to make it sound like "experiment"..anyway "Exia" sounds "Exshia" and "Nyx" is "Nikkusu"...yudan sezu ni was explained before in one of my entries)
told my cousin about my studies..it seems that i really need to 'deduce' the messed-up format in my textbook cos that's how the academic level goes. And it's true - never listen to the teacher no matter how the teacher claims that u dun need to do your own research cos, in exams you are required to answer questions "in your own words" aka "no copying from the text" - how can u NOT do your own research on something u don't know and all you get was one measley word in bullet-point format for your textbook?! Doesn't one need to think and search for a word of a similar meaning to the word in the text?! taku...!!!
so now, to eyebrows...i'll never let anyone shave my eyebrows for the longest time!!! the shaved parts are so itchy!!! and my hair would brush past the shaved parts and the itch just gets worse!!!
ah - breakfast, gotta get ready to yudan sezu ni ikeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
sang for an event...it was all about jazz. Heard we got good reviews for it. And people thought i was pro - oh please, i'm back down to earth and into the - Tezuka has Tezuka Zone - i greenhorn so "green zone" - i duno how many times i covered my countless mistakes - and screwed up at the last song as i was overtired from running up and down to run errands for everyone
getting a whole new set of clothes - bit by bit. But i'd realised i'm a chameleon, i dun just stick to one set of clothes: i can dress up as if i'm going to a pub but i can be all black at times (aiming for that part!) but T-shirts and bermudas most of the time
sacrificing my ankles and knee to go out as i prepare for my studies - buy whatever's necessary for my studies and my song files - which i need to update it soon!
still trying to catch up on Macross Frontier...i think maybe i may be a Mihael-fan after watching his ep..let's see how that goes...heehee..
started school already...now wondering if my family can afford for a Double Diploma although they gladly support the idea - have to call school to find out
have to study - got to
i just realised the literal meaning of "study" in Japanese..no wonder why Tezuka-buchou's face so serious! but he corrected his Maths teacher's answer in class...MOEEEE!!!! i can imagine Fuji smiling if someone tells him about it (cos they're not in the same class)..
and more updates!
first and foremost...lemme bold and use a different colour to announce this:
NEW PRINCE OF TENNIS MANGA STARTING IN MARCH!!!!!
SCREEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't understand Japanese so HOPEFULLY ANOTHER eng-subtitled ANIME TO SEE TEZUKA-BUCHOU AGAIN!!! maybe THIS TIME IN DEUTSCHLAND (yo, Dai Gor!!!!) !!!!!!!!!! then YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!
after watching "Mihael's ep"...tug my heartstrings - i'm starting to like him deeper - ah, more - ah - i can'tfindanywords..
finally...a nice pic of Maximilian Jenius (Max Sterling) of Super Dimension Fortress Macross!!!
he looks...erm..a bit flirtatious in this pic...ok..so..Mihael isn't the "starting point" LOL..anyway the seiyuu for Max is Hayami Shou (速水 奨 Hayami Shō) who voiced Aizen-Taichou (Sōsuke Aizen) in Bleach!!!! love his voice as Max - Kai linked me to that wonderful vid if not i'd never knew how the original Japanese characters sound like! could-hug-him!!!!
just called school...can't change course to double diploma..must finish last module den can top up..ah, nem mind la...after this diploma i'm still hoping for IT anyway, which field, dunno yet, maybe animation n gaming, since i can't handle much programming (less one person to jump into the same field as Kai ;p)
8.50pm
taking a dam break from my studies...it's tough! i drew a small information chart and it's so hard to use draw tools...wish i had those mousepad to draw! Ask Lay Peng later...have been dying to get one..pfff!!!
can'tstoplaughingcan'tstoplaughing!!!!! typed a comment in a blog that reminds me of zany = Gintama...haven't been watching it for a long time..onedayoneday..one anime at a time..
ah, tight schedule nights: yesterday rehearsal, tnite, tmw (the real thing..my legs are trembling just thinking about it)..looking forward to Sun when the whole thing ends and i can breeeeeatheee..
once i asked a veteran jazz musician how does one sing jazz? Simple: you've gotta like jazz. Here's my expansion: To be more exact, you've gotta FEEL when you're singing jazz. Listen and be inspired by good ol' jazz singers (1920/30's yeeeeah!!!).
Maybe Louis Armstrong is a nice start since his tracks are very popular then try Frank Sinatra, Andy Williams, Astrud Gilberto (aw man love her voice!) If you want a quiet voice try Lisa Ono, she's cool - not to mention multi-lingual - oh wow! But the best find older versions, i learn their vocal textures (dang smooth!) and stuffs (ever heard scat singing?)
Okayokay..so i hear my fellow vocalists screaming for more (don't spoil your vocal cords, please!). Someone typed this on the net on how to sing jazz. There are some vocal lingo (yes! for once in my life computer lingo no longer rules here!):
( ) denotes my own notes
"The vibrato is not broad...move the sound a bit more forward (as compared to classical choir-style). Think mellow rather than bright (i tried it - IT WORKS TREMENDOUSLY). Occasional melisma (oooh mineminemine - i liiiiike!) or slur, a bit of improvised melody around the original (which Frank Sinatra does it almost all the time changing the lyrics here and there so that's y i say it's best to listen to older tracks cos they have the original lyrics)"
want me to explain some of the techie stuffs? heheh, for once i RULE..i'll break it down with no definitions here
vibrato as you sing to the last word you drag that last word and your voice shakes naturally - not from nervousness nor health reasons
How to get a temporary vibrato Switch on a table or box fan. Turn it to the lowest speed. Say AAAAAAAH to the fan. You'll hear your voice sounding like an alienic voice chopped off, revived, again and again in an astounding speed. If you can't get the effect, turn speed 2. Or seek advice about your hearing. But if you already know that effect and your vocal chords have naturally vibrated - not necessary, unless you just wanna catch a cold from the fan which due to health reasons i strongly do not recommend
melisma African-Americans are FAMOUS for that. Someone sings "yeah" but the "yeah" turns out to be "yi-ye-eh-eh-eh-ya" and strangely "yi" doesn't sound quite the same as "ye" and "eh" the next "eh" and so on. R&B singers still use it extensively, just listen on the radio - be amazed at how just one technique (melisma) is sang DIFFERENTLY..("differently" is actually variations and improvisions but let's not go there - too much information
slur no stopping of two or more of the same sound or different sounds = they gliiiide smooooothly from one to another, slow songs and-jazz-singers usually use this "smoooooth" technique
and of course the best way to really experience vocal techniques...is to SING
ne, Tezuka? one of those days when suddenly i quote Fuji Syuusuke's (Prince of Tennis) phrase which is usually used and repeated in Tezuka-Fuji fan fictions..that reminds me...i haven't been doing any fan fic for a long time...
now the series' gotten me...if not for my mecha-senpai's account of what had happened after Hikaru Ichijyo (Rick Hunter) and scenes reminiscent of The Super Dimension Fortress Macross (Robotech) and other Macross series. True, ever since i'm so into Tezuka-buchou, aroused by Oshitari, gazed at into Inui's eye from one of his broken lenses - i'm into megane-bishounen (pretty boy with speactacles - although it's a little difficult to include Inui in that category) again! Not to mention the only character i moe-ed in Super Dimension Fortress was Maximilian Jenius - also a megane-bishounen!!!..that reminds me...if i can get to watch it in Japanese with English-subs..AND SQUEAL SEEING MAX WITH HIS PINK APRON!!!! - YAAAAA!!!!!
okok..so..back to Macross Frontier..it took me some time to get used to Alto Saotome (right). By ep 4 i'm so into his character already cos his classmate Mihael (Michael, Mikhal..) Blanc keeps calling Alto ohime-sama ("honourable princess")..and i was shocked to see Alto looking at himself in the mirror like a..well...female..fan service i guess - so soon at episode 4?!!!!
Anyway...i'll need some time to get used to Mihael cos he looks...flirty..not neat like Max ;p
It's a game called Gyakuten Saiban (逆転裁判 literally "Turnabout Trial"), English version "Phoenx Wright: Ace Attorney"
but someone changed the characters' dialogs to lyrics of "Makka Na Chikai" (真赤な誓い literally "Red-Blooded Oath but blood IS red ain't it...) from the manga/anime series Busō Renkin (武装錬金 literally "Armored Alchemist")
i posted lyrics in rōmaji (romanised not necessary phonetically Japanese) and - much to my relief - English translation
Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da
omae to
tachi tomaru hima nankanai sa kangaeru yoyuu nankanai sa arittake no omoi mune ni shakunetsu no tatakai no naka he
amari ni mo ooki na chikara no kabe sekai no yami zettai makeru mon ka genkai koete
ima wa wakaranai koto bakari dakedo shinjiru kono michi wo susumu dake sa donna teki demo mikata demo kamawanai kono te wo hanasumonka makka na chikai
itsu made mo itsu made mo oi tsudzukerunda doko made mo doko made mo ashita he no yuuki wo doko made mo doko made mo moetagiru haato wo omae to
itsudatte kibou ni afureta sono egao kodomotachi no yume doushitemo mamori nukanakucha kono atsui chi ga nagare deru kagiri
nan demo ii kara dare mo nakanai sekai ga hoshii zettai mitsukerunda shinjitsu no kagi
nan do misu shite ochikonda to shite mo akiramecha dame da mae wo mukou
taisetsu na mono mamoru kono shimei wo omoikkiri dakishimete makka na chikai
Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da Oh… Oh… Da…da da da da da
ima wa wakaranai koto bakari dakedo shinjiru kono michi wo susumu dake sa donna teki demo mikata demo kamawanai kono te wo hanasumonka makka na chikai
itsu made mo itsu made mo oi tsudzukerunda doko made mo doko made mo ashita he no yuuki wo itsu made mo itsu made mo oi tsudzukerunda doko made mo doko made mo moetagiru haato wo omae to
ENGLISH (some literal-translation)
Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da
With you…
There’s no time to stand idle, and no luxury to just think Gather your fighting spirit in your chest, within a raging battlefield
In a world filled with massive things, hurdling walls, gathering darkness I won’t admit defeat, pushing myself to the limit!
Right now, there are so many things I don’t understand, But for now I’ll just press forward on this path I believe in It doesn’t matter what enemies, or allies, may cross my path I will never let this hand go! A red-blooded oath!
Always… always… Chasing after Ever on… ever on… The strength of tomorrow Anywhere… anywhere… My heart burns with you
I was always filled with such hope, for that smile, a dream of children I must protect it at all costs, as long as my boiling blood flows
I don’t care how it happens; I want a world where no one cries I will be sure to find it, the key to unlock all truths
Even if I should slip up, and feel depressed, I won’t admit defeat, pressing my way forwards I will trust in my mission, to protect all loved ones I will hold it close always! A red-blooded oath!
Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da Oh… Oh… Da da da da da da
Right now, there are so many things I don’t understand, But for now I’ll just press forward on this path I believe in It doesn’t matter what enemies, or allies, may cross my path I will never let this hand go! A red-blooded oath!
Always… always… Chasing after Ever on… ever on… The strength of tomorrow Always… always… Chasing after Anywhere… anywhere… My heart burns with you
Akira Jimbo, one of Japan's most reowned drummer, demonstrates and tells about what a MIDI Drum Trigger System is. If you are free, on YouTube search on his Mission Impossible drum solo which is played with the same system - SUGE
out of the 14 songs 2 were in a foreign language which - when i sang it out loud i couldn't carry but one of them had English lyrics so i sang in English (*phew*..if not minus 2 songs - AAARGH!!) So far 4 songs were picked up
my ankle's getting better...just waiting for the day i can walk on both feet again
Feb 14 reminds me of Oshitari Yuushi's song "Valentine's Day Kiss"!!!! MOEMOEMOE!!! seriously if anyone sees my pm signature..and knows my moe-ness for Oshitari..wonder what they'd say..? *giggle*
シャラララ 素敵にキシス (Shalalala a lovely kiss) MOEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! demo..e to...there's one part which a translation of "Valentine's Day Kiss" "double check my feelings Anyone and everyone will experience romance" SLASH HINT?!!!!!! someone pleeeeeeease fanfic a jealous Tezuka x Oshitari getting lotsa chocolates and have an ending which includes Oshitari making a face-flushed-red Tezuka blush even more with intimate advances!!!!!
but the left..it's been so long..10-and-a-half days my left ankle's muscles have tightened so much that they somehow constricted my blood flow..today..after the sinseh many pulls and accupuncture muscles have somewhat relaxed...i should've been braver to allow full accupuncture so that my ankle can be totally loosened instead of half-alive!
Lay Peng found a Mononoke manga!!!! i forgot it's very hard to translate this manga. i guess even there's translation it mayn't do justice to the original Japanese version.
sigh...i wonder when i can sign up for a Japanese course..really hoping to learn at Bunka..maybe one course at a time ba..Japanese is always forever, i guess it can wait..
realised that i was the last to give my song list..another two songs taken from my list, total three
it's not that i want to delay, it's just that i have no confidence so i had to listen to the songs before i can say i CAN sing the songs i list
but my ankle's really tired, it hasn't been resting well, there are more blood clots in my left ankle than usual
i guess i'll stop looking for songs and concentrate on what i've listed - 6 songs should be enough, i dun wan to overstrain my ankles and knees any further
realised that there are 3 more songs i could 'contribute'
luckily i read the email, regret i didn't come up with my own song list earlier cos someone had taken one of the songs i'd like to sing. So i emailed my list first to reserve my own set of songs. But i'm willing to pass some of the songs over to someone if needed. There's one song i don't really know how to sing but i'm taking the risk as the minimum number of songs for each person is more than 5
i counted my own list - 11. Quite safe.
but i'd like to listen to more songs - while learning my own list - to familiarise myself since i'm not good in jazz genre
well...it's tough, i have very little experience singing jazz, much less in front of an audience. Next Saturday's gonna be scary yet exciting cos there are a great handful of promiment people who know me - feels like i'm on home-ground that sorta..
i just grab whatever songs that were listed most of the ones i picked are the ones i've never sang n rarely heard but it's in my head in bits of parts here and there - cos i'm rarely exposed to jazz
despite my injuries i still went and be there as a family. Not to mentioned some *beep* happened but i'm glad i tried to distract the saddest one into talking what we know best..super sentai - not hentai lah!! Where your brains go..
then for the first time - or maybe the longest - i watched Bundlesliga (German soccer league). On a 50" plasma TV. What's even more memorable: Hamburg SV vs Bayern Munich. i've friends in Hamburg, i grow up with Bayern Munich and i've friends who are from south Germany. Though i'm not that a fanatic soccer fan like i used to, from that match i think nothing much as changed from Bayern Munich: one very hardworking player who ran from one end of the field to another and their forever-open-defense that led Hamburg to a 1-goal result
Then, with the same huge TV which has Nicam stereo (i have a 14" tv with no Nicam stereo) later i got to hear Korean from the drama that my mum n i would always try to catch. The feeling is so much different from watching the dubbed version
And.. i'm not good at comforting and encouraging - i'm glad i got to "pay it forward"cos they reached out to me: Fr. JW, my cuppa red wine, Kai, Wee Siong, Lay Peng - pulled the best out of me and i passed on to another
beautiful weekend it is
oh...i rearranged my fanfic blog cos i'd realised something was wrong. But by doing that i had to compromise: took out my profile and..sorry..i had to take out my tag board, dun mind naa..
