down n up

Down

i told myself to look forward for the sake of the kids and their father

i saw him looking outside, silent and alone

Look away, i told myself, look away. The kids were providing me a good distraction but my heart ached as i looked at them - n the kids needed me (i'm their playmate, heehee). i gave up, i ate very little and let them lead me

to hear the elders talking about what he's doing now - it's even more heart-wrenching. Again playing with the kids provided a good distraction. The elder one has grown up a lot. i fear for the younger one - i just hope we can be there for them, no matter how much the years pass

Watched Lord of the Rings so many times: Gandalf's fall didn't upset me but yesterday - it gave me a good avenue to cry a little. Boromir's death too (the first time i watched it, i din feel anything - until i saw the light Legolas' eyes disappeared, only to gaze silently in grief - from afar - at Boromir's final breaths). And after a few times of watching, Sam giving chase to follow Frodo to the other side of the river din affect me - only until yesterday

i couldn't sleep yesterday, i was hungry and too upset...suddenly i realised - i'm alone..i wanted to talk, but i din wan to pull anybody down - furthermore the night's getting too late for anyone to bear my grief. My heart was so heavy i couldn't cry.

in the darkness of the early morning, i wish there was someone whom i can cry to and lean on

and now, at morning's new light - this wish i still ask for

Up
again.. ALLES GUTE ZUM GEBURTSTAG DAI GOR!!!!! PROST NYAAA!!!!!

ah...i've found a way not a buy a tablet (thanks to AL"Shiroi Tenshi"P) but i've to experiment with it first. Since i draw charts on paper to aid my studies i was wondering if i could take a picture from the chart-on-paper (this ingenious method i learnt from an informal meeting i attended) and (my experiment) edit in Word by typing it over! If this fails - tablet, heartpain but no choice

yudan sezu ni ek's'parimento!!!
(ek's'parimento = i ' the romaji to make it sound like "experiment"..anyway "Exia" sounds "Exshia" and "Nyx" is "Nikkusu"...yudan sezu ni was explained before in one of my entries)

told my cousin about my studies..it seems that i really need to 'deduce' the messed-up format in my textbook cos that's how the academic level goes. And it's true - never listen to the teacher no matter how the teacher claims that u dun need to do your own research cos, in exams you are required to answer questions "in your own words" aka "no copying from the text" - how can u NOT do your own research on something u don't know and all you get was one measley word in bullet-point format for your textbook?! Doesn't one need to think and search for a word of a similar meaning to the word in the text?! taku...!!!

so now, to eyebrows...i'll never let anyone shave my eyebrows for the longest time!!! the shaved parts are so itchy!!! and my hair would brush past the shaved parts and the itch just gets worse!!!

ah - breakfast, gotta get ready to yudan sezu ni ikeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!