Dissociation

one of the many which i suffer from and still untreated - although no money for this expensive treatment i'll do all that i can to make myself better

A normal response and defense against trauma, "dissociation is an unexpected partial or complete disruption of the normal integration of a person’s conscious or psychological functioning that cannot be easily explained by the person. Dissociation is a mental process that severs a connection to a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity, and allows the mind to distance itself from experiences that are too much for the psyche to process at that time

Dissociation has been described as one of a constellation of symptoms experienced by some victims of multiple forms of childhood trauma, including physical abuse and child sexual abuse. This is supported by studies which suggest that dissociation is correlated with a history of trauma

Symptoms of dissociation resulting from trauma may include depersonalization, psychic numbing, disengagement, or amnesia regarding the events of the abuse. It has been hypothesized that dissociation may provide a temporarily effective defense mechanism in cases of severe trauma; however, in the long term, dissociation is associated with decreased psychological functioning and adjustment. Other symptoms sometimes found along with dissociation in victims of traumatic abuse (often referred to as "sequelae to abuse") include anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem, somatization, depression, chronic pain, interpersonal dysfunction, substance abuse, self-mutilation and suicidal ideation or actions. These symptoms may lead the victim to erroneously present the symptoms as the source of the problem"

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology)