where am i going?
i don't know
All i know is that i've to start

SNK Season 2 afterthought

>> Sunday, July 16, 2017



Saiyuki Reload Blast thoughts

>> Saturday, July 8, 2017

Finally it's here!

it's awesome bcos i rarely get the chance to follow an anime series for years after its long hiatus. i'm always far behind when it comes to anime.

so yes! i am a fan of Saiyuki anime series, having grown up with the original Journey To The West.

Nostalgia fills the air at its first episode of SRB. And i wonder if the seiyuu of Eren Jaeger in Attack of Titans is in it! People are expecting something new. Sure, new enemies.

but y'know...voices change over time. We have grown older, so do our vocal chords. We used to sound sharper but as years go by we sound more 'rounded'. Yet the fundamental timbre of our voices do not change - we recognise the characters as who they are. We remember the characters as who they are.

Although it's a challenge to bring them to the year 2017 which may consider as a new series to some, it's the nostalgia that makes the series as what it is - and brings fans to the new era

and nearer to the West.


yep still using Blogger

>> Monday, July 3, 2017

What? just because there's Facebook Blogger no more?

i just wanna type. Long time no type. Wish i could type like the Choppy Busters - so many words per second. Maybe i should try audio typing one day. Would be interesting. Bcos my fingers are itching to type again. Since when i forgot - t'was a few days ago i think, totally forgot why.

so yeah, things are back to 50% 50% - blessings. It's always what i forgot about.

And i'd realised i could daringly do what i like to do n not be bothered.

But then there's this "itch". I'd never knew. I thought, "Ah well, old already, don't need to feel i need a boyfriend." I was so wrong. A pang of loneliness shoots right into my heart whenever i see couples. Sigh, aren't they lucky...

but there's that dilemma: i'm already messed up enough, so is my background. Best not "drag" someone into my life already. Marriage? What's that? Looking around now, i'm cool, surrounded by by game consoles.

Virtual boyfriend?! ISN'T THE ANIME "YUURI ON ICE" ENOUGH ALREADY?! wonder if there will be a manga series..bcos i think manga series IS MUCH MORE EXPLICIT THAN ANIME - and we have more of Yuuri and Victor's shiny red butt cheeks to drool and ogle at - SCCCRREEEAM!!!

anyway, back to reality (bleagh)

so ya, maybe one day i'll try audio typing since i like to type so much



>> Sunday, June 4, 2017

i can never ever have the patience to repeat myself

i can't even handle my own problems - i need to have time for myself. Which part of "leave me alone" you didn't get?


just wish i have my own apartment


Yuuri!!! On Ice thoughts

>> Sunday, February 5, 2017

anyway...so hyped up, until i decided to throw in mine!

yes, ok ok ok ok ... "Yuuri!!! On Ice" wat? i like it! just that there are so many "hidden stuffs" unknown to me if not for the fans' explanations - really thank them! it's not your average BL anime, thing is i'm used to Junjou Romantica, Loveless - all these anime are pretty much direct. i've never gotten so much headaches until Yuuri On Ice - i seriously MUST HAVE the explanations or i'm COMPLETELY LOST.

They've gotten the right voice actors. i was laughing so much with the WOW! AMAZING! and all the English, Russian, Japanese exchanges with Victor and Kastsudon - er - Yuuri! Fangirls all over swoon with this Victor. Wait..did i tell u i'm a 2d fan? heh. Besides that..i have never seen an anime that doesn't tell u straightaway that this is a BL anime - HOLD ON. IT'S NOT JUST A BL ANIME. Thing is ALMOST EVERYTHING seamlessly blends in, without you knowing it - it just seems so - NATURAL. Well, ALMOST..bcos there are other pairings which hint so much for canon pairings - like - CANON PAIR ALREADY!!! Goodness, all the fans are SCREAMING, "CAN YOU HEAR - OUR HEARTBEATS?!!!"

so ya, Yuuri On Ice is a history-maker. As if, from the start, it was meant to be. The song has captured fans' hearts, the ice-skate choreography is REALLY choreographed. The movements - i've never seen an ice-skating anime before, let alone such seamless frameworks that..this is what ice-skating is in anime. It is so worldwide that they even got famous sportsmen as the characters themselves, in different languages. WIN. Absolute.

i just hope Kubo Sensei won't stress herself out to over-fatigue. See, there's always this pressure to give "2nd season better than the 1st". What's even more, this anime is FAMOUS WORLDWIDE...well, if i am not mistaken - check out raving reviews, fanart, fandoms pairings, fans' combing the pictures of the anime, explanations, comments and some ACTUALLY FLY THERE TO TAKE PHOTOGRAPH OF THE PLACES - W <3 and="" etc.="" even="" gape="" needless="" of="" p="" ros="" say="" skating="" some="" themselves="" to="" tried="" upload="" videos="" w="">
so yeah, WORLDWIDE PRESSURE. Not to mention it won awards. And Victor is No.1 anime boy!

i guess every fan goes, "How i wish my relationship would be as lovable as Victuuri." Anime makes me cry, i kid you not. And for once in my life - DOGS TAKE CENTRESTAGE!!! Don't get me wrong, i like anime-cats too, but..it DOES GET TIRED. SO YES!!! HISTORY MAKER!!!

by the way...this anime ended way few months ago. Yet, it has a HUGE LOYAL WORLDWIDE FANBASE of fans who still feel it's NEVER ENOUGH.

sad if it only ends one season. However, on the other hand, not surprisingly if it really happens, The hype is extremely strong, so much success, the pressure - how can one handle? how does one innovate? It is a very dear anime. Some anime last one season just for that lingering effect. Perhaps it should have ended that way to let Victor and Yuuri continue their relationship behind closed doors (again: i'm a 2D fan n i speak of the characters as if they are in real life - oh c'mon, cut me some slack already)

 BUT CONFIRMED 2ND SEASON - i tell you WE JUMPED IN WILD EXCITEMENT. i assume it's still in the works as no news of its release date, we could wait..not surprising if it's next year..HOLD IT

it's a GREAT anime, you say, and you say the ending is rushed, so, to give stakeholders, sponsors, etc,. that commercial monetary (hey, let's be realistic about this shall we) success-effect TAKES TIME. What, don't they need to pay every single person involved? Hey, it's A JOB, mind you. While fans oogle, drool, fantasise (i'll not continue) about Victuuri, OtaYuuri, etc. .. who does all the behind-the-anime-stuffs? they don't do it for free. Not to mention they asked famous sportsmen to join in the fun in voicing the characters in the anime - don't you think they should be paid in return too? They're pros, no matter what.

By the way, the whole crew is limited to a budget. Go over it, you'll have to wreck your brains to convince to justify - and how much more to practically beg for. Welcome to the real world. It really sucks but people will say, "Hey, money makes the world go round."

as much as i grit my teeth in frustration about the money part..all i hope is that everything runs smooth for the 2nd season. So let's cheer the Yuuri!!! On Ice people OK?! がんばー!



>> Wednesday, January 4, 2017

i'm tired

yes i am tired

tormented by obligations that i never ask for or want

tormented by my own mental illness that people think i deserved to be flame-ed n bullied. Sorry. i am very sorry for causing so much destruction and hate. i never wanted to be sick. never . i want to be normal. Have a normal life - even if it's a mundane normal life.

i wish i could smash my brains against the wall n bleed for the wrongs i've done because no amount of sorrys equate the painful hateful damage i've done.

i'm going to face the world in shame, resentment n hate..i've tried to be at my best behaviour..but..u, world, just takes advantage of me. i am tired. So tired n f*ked up until i start yelling angrily at strangers.

who am i? a monster. i have become a monster.



>> Monday, June 27, 2016

i cannot believe it! i'm so busy?!

things are getting better since i went for psychotherapy. It's a wild ride but the key is being receptive. Not easy. Why can't not have it earlier? i think i wouldn't be receptive. Years have mellowed me down to an extend. For me, i really believe that's an important state of self to being receptive.

thanks to the start of psychotherapy i've finally found myself. Sure things are still the stormy same at home but at least i could have my own voice in a little way or two but that makes a big impact. Although still living under the same roof but no longer hiding in shadows. Perhaps a sense of independence as in no longer having 100% of uncertainty as before.

wanted to stop this blog actually but decided to tell my story as abovementioned. i risk this because i want you, dear reader to know, that there are struggles within oneself on the internet. That people keep quiet about their illness but give a happy / nonchalant face. That there are people in this world suffering in silence about their psychological / emotional selves but dare not tell for fear of being questioned

but i want to tell you that there are a few of us who step out from our shadows to tell you, hey, there's no shame in seeing a doctor about your mental condition. There are kids as young as 10 years and below who are undergoing constant medication and counselling for their psychological well-being. There are people as young as 20 years old - you can't see that they have a mental illness. You can't believe your eyes when you think this person who's ordinary is an outpatient for mental illness. You can't believe a heavily tattooed person - as all the other patients just stare in fear and wonder why such a person who would be so brazen on the streets - would actually stand in sullen - maybe awkward - silence before pharmacist in a mental hospital who instructs how often to take the medication.

mental illness is a hidden illness. Mental illness is a general term of a full spectrum of diagnosis, eg, depression, autism, dementia, etc. From each diagnosis there's a more detailed level, and crossovers too. Then there's the root cause which can be an eternal enigma to even the highest level of professors, researches because scientists have only scrapped a thin surface of the study of the brain - why? because they are not gods. They aren't the creators of the human brain since the beginning of time.

it's dang awkward to say about my condition but hey, you're not alone. i'm not totally 'healed' yet but i have started to get rooted - that i can see forward more than dwell 100% in my past!

mental illness is slowly getting more public awareness but it wouldn't start if no one has the bravery to go and see a doctor for assessment.

take care of yourself



thank you for reading my blog..

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