pc down

internet-ing from LAN game place - or watever u'd call it ;p

i learnt lots from work n found myself almost sliding back to zero cos it's been a long time since the last counselling. So i guess i need some time to sit and reflect on counselling's past notes

well, not sure when the tech will come and fix my pc, that unreliable person he is...my exam's coming and it's really difficult having to have strangers beside u looking at wat i'm typing in LAN game place

i really wonder when i can type in the safe zone of home

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finally blogging

still not use to waking up early and working, going for night classes - totally tired

still unable to study bcos still not adjusted to the above

realised that i'm talking general stuffs to my colleagues

Mo hitori no boku knows me well in this - i try too hard. Until i duno what to say to my new colleagues anymore. Cos everything's soooo...general..

since it is so, then okay lah - deep conversations are only left for those who have known each other for a long time. Can't talk anime though - none of them are into that XD but exposing them to a kansai phrase or two i learnt from Prince of Tennis that i so often use when i'm with sen no kaze tachi X3 cos one of them learns Japanese and the other's a fun one XD

Amoy hawker centre...my heart still aches in anger and sadness at wat had happened to our voice-acting class which was so near there - totally unfair. The last time i joined the class i was working so far away, paying taxi fare at peak hours just to make it in time. Now i'm working so freakin' near..it's been one year - almost one year?

come to think of it, futari-tomo n me...1 year..circumstances have caused us to move in different directions - i'm not online as i used to be too. But we still gather together - i'm still the noob XD and we still remember that seiyuu's still a part of us

from seiyuu-ing to cosplaying..*g* now that's what i call progression XD

oooh...i got a present from the Easter chocolate that Paps gave me...it's a foldable frisbee!!!! SUGE..flies FAAAAAR - love it! can't wait to whine in Shimp'-sama's car b4 meeting Paps - if there's a car......XD

speaking of which..counselling has really helped. i feel a big difference in me: i'm able to work better cos finally i can concentrate! Not 100% but good enuff to produce an average work!

i'm really happy X3 but now i've gotta learn how not to overdo when it comes to relating with people - i do that unconsciously. When i get home n reflect, i'd realised i'd done it, remind myself not to do it the next day but again the cycle repeats itself. Counselling has also helped me to find some solutions easier than i could not before. My low self-esteem - that's the reason - n that's something i'm trying to work on everyday especially at work - like what my counsellor said: step by step

work heightens my awareness about myself and relating to strangers of different age, academic level, social class and a diverse range of personalities - more and more challenged to be myself, no mask, be positive, genuinely smile and more polite as a form of respect

i shall try to be more aware and in whatever i do cos of consequences. i am aware that watever i do or say has consequences in general but due to the psychologial barrier i've put up haven't really been aware

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online again, happily

not that i cannot be online at work, but i have to be discreet, haha, not much online stuffs i can do at work

so yes, i got a job, with nice colleagues, each has a distinct personality and unique interests X3 one of them even took up Japanese! suge..

as for me n Japanese...i'll have to wait for a longlong time..

on the fun side, i got to hang out at the Toys, Games and Comics Convention at Suntec last weekend n met sen no ke tachi for a while! And i had fun with Nat n Wen, if not for Nat's consistent "let's-play!" i'd forgotten wat's Wii XD i also had my fun on the 18 n above games..n i told Wen "Now i know why u like guns!!" Nat was suge, she somersaulted and spun her character around with her Japanese swords - one in each hand! - forming a x before slicing and splattering zombies all over - aw man! how cool is that?! n Wen choose guns..it was until my turn that i realised WHY i would prefer the guns too..the thrill of feeling the berserk vibration of the Wii controller as i spun the character's view at 360 degress in in a machine-gun-shooting-frenzy - wat?! i had to reload my choice of weapon?! nande ya ne! XD !!! but even the reload-feeling - man, i know now why people dig shooting arcade games. But after that i had a little bout of very minor fits - BUT OVERALL - SUGE...

n i even had the chance to try out voice dubbing in a young-male-anime-voice in English! thanks to Animax. And thanks to the two Animax ladies who got me to try it out, the people who did every single thing for the participants, from introducing the characters, giving me a role, to the camera n sound crew - THANK YOU!!! i always said i'd be happy if i land myself in Prince of Tennis, even for English dubbing, even for a cameo line or two (was actually hoping Fuji - wah, dreaming siah). But as days went by i'd realised i'm willing to come to terms that to experience what voice acting is like has come true, even for that one minute plus. See, main conditions fulfilled: was in a language which i come to know fairly well unlike Japanese; a few sentences; did tried an almost-Fuji (young anime male)-like voice; it was from an anime series!

Paps was supposed to join but his scheduleS kept him busy. Even dinner with him was difficult. But being in ministries, especially in Priesthood, is usually last minute. I told myself: if Paps is serving for the Glory of God why borther? last time i would unaware-ly join the "grumbling crowd" (eg the generic "hey, can't u see i'm having a meal with a Priest!"). Well for me now i'd just whine very little cos *g* i do miss Paps and after so long and (many schedules after) i got to eat wif him but there's CHOCOLATE to pacify me *G* It's not just any chocolate, it's CHOCOLATE FROM EUROPE - given by Paps!!! i'm just a happy kid with my pacifier X3

k, my mug's empty of water. The weather has been really hot these days n i'm still adjusting to work n sleep - off for now X3

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なぜだ..

i'm always either one step back behind or one step forward of someone, never in the same pace, never totally in step with anyone. i feel so lack when i'm behind of someone, so empty when i'm "in front" of someone. My sentences have ended up trailing off without proper ending - who's listening, i keep telling myself. It seems like i cannot talk like i used to

i duno a lot of things, i find myself having to stay silent and listen, i duno how to contribute. is there a problem wif me "being there"?

it's bcos there's a problem wif me "being there" so i'm forced to segregate, i hate it but i have no choice

everyone wants to feel belonged in a group, why ask me why? wat's wrong wif seeking acceptance? wat's wrong wif seeking approval? do i have to be segregated forever? do i have to be "solo" forever?

today i'm pulled at again..i find nothing for tnite, i feel like i'm going through the motions tnite..

Won't you pat me on the head?

at least tomorrow would be better, dat's wat i hope for

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"screw the rules i've got the money!"

finally got to watch Yu Gi Oh's abridged series....dam funny!!!! the best abridged series i've ever watched. would love to proceed to the second ep of it..XD!!!!!!!!

anyway...today really i wasn't worthy of such a feast...so full now X3 SALT RULEZ!!!!!!!!

oh, the ep of Neo Angelique Abyss..so happy that i finally got to see NIKU-SAAAAAN!!! again

and yes, i did say i would now i WILL blog about it - FINALLY FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE MY HAIR'S LONGER THAN DAI GOR'S - WOO HOO!!!! i'm howling - ARUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAH!!!!

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nightmare

i dreamt that i failed my exam

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of Gackt n T.

a friend of mine was raving about Gackt to which i guess shiroi tenshi would too. Din noe Gackt is from Okinawa until today

but for me i would be raving of Nishikawa Takanori's unique voice - well, unique to me. i'm just a noob at J-pop that i think he's j-rock voice is the only one that sounds out from the norm. It's so not easy to imitate cos his voice sounds phelgm-like but it isn't! And there's "weight" in his voice, a "thickness" i seldom heard in j-rock - again maybe bcos i'm a noob in j-pop culture

he looks great in Abingdon Boys' School - must be the megane (specs) XD

Goodness i wonder how am i to get all T.M. Revolution's works..

sigh..if i'm a backup vocalist for any of his works i'd be happy but i can't speak Japanese, sigh..

would he come over one day? oh wow..SUGE if yes..

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in three languages

(took me an hour plus to find and translate. Japanese - and German - speakers please correct me if i'm wrong - どうもうすみません..bitte...French i duno lah ;p let alone Italiano and Espanol - and - FORGET LATIN X"D!!!)

兄貴が髪を切った!!!!! そんなあ～!!!! 落ち着け...落ち着け...落ち着け!!!!!!
ANIKI GA KAMI O KITTA!!!!!...SONNAAAAAAA!!!! ochitsuke...ochitsuke..OCHITSUKE!!!!!!

MEIN' BRUDER LIEß SICH DIE HAARE SCHNEIDEN!!!!! NÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ!!!!!! Beruhigen mich..beruhigen mich..BERUHIGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BROTHER HAD HIS HAIR CUT!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! calm down...calm down..CALM DOWN!!!!!!

*WAAAAAAAAIL*

aaaahwonderhowhelookslikenow...*excited*

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sour-sweet..good morning, young cats

size doesn't matter

it's the growl that matters

"Touch me not"

but the best i think
is when someone reaches out
to me
as i hide myself
in my morning growl
cos
that
starts me living
and reaching out
to you

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aaah..

finally calling it a day...

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sigh..

this week i'm drained: physically and mentally. Pulled from three sides...too much for me..

wish i can hang out with friends...but why can't i...i really miss hanging out with them..i tried calling n smsing but everyone's busy

thank goodness i met shiroi tenshi yesterday, although for a while, i got my anime/kansai-ben therapy with her. After when she left i feel so alone.

emo today, i Tieria-ed my nails, i don't care who says wat about my make-up today - i'm messed up..hmmm..gotta get purple shades one day

sigh...i wish someone would call me tonight to hang out..i'm all dressed, in my own way

and aaaargh, there's still tomorrow..

one more day for the insanity to end..

somehow, i would look at the palms of my hands..and smile a little

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