the counter

Paps, in his blog, added a counter to say how long more he's away til he comes back XD

all the hoo-ha n everything it's fun..but..thing is..he's not gonna be any Church to be a Parish Priest or assist one anymore. Straight into SFX where he teaches in a seminary. It's really difficult to make appointments with him i guess - i miss prancing around in his office, soaking myself - and playing some - in his Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and grabbing a book from his bookcase shelf to read.

Um, ... can i still have European Easter chocolates from your hand? *tears* gonna miss u n the office Paps, sigh..

Paps, if you see Brother Lionel, dark-skinned Eurasian, Sign "hi" to him - but watch out, he CAN Sign. He's used to be from SCDC aka he knows Bro R too X3 but his Mandarin, Bahasa Malay(sia) and a whole lotta Chinese dialects = fluent! SUGE (awesome)..

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retail therapy n the next phase

i spent heckofalot today...can't resist buying new nail polish: Tieria-purple, Lockon-not his green but settled for a murky brown, Haptism-orange, Sestuna: not his colour but i fell in love with a baby pearl blue so i settled for that! Then i bought a white nail polish and a top coat

next: makeup..ah ha..yes i'm in that phase: influenced by anime/cosplay. It's really fun once i got used to the 'xtra layers' on my face - the endless wonders of my face as a canvas for expression n creativity! if only i can have more clothes now :(

and i bought my a handphone chain..finally found it when i thought it's out of phase!

AND I BOUGHT A PANDA!!! erm..not a real one but a cute stuffy, lying there just waiting to be bought! Since i needed $10 and more for NETS n i dun have much in my wallet - THE PANDA IS MINE!!! SO CUUUUUTE!! it's been getting acquainted with my stuffies before its bedtime X3

AND - I GOT MY EYEBROWS PLUCKED FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! Painful, but once got used to it it's fine but blurblur afterwards bcos of the after effects of painful plucking - but my eyebrows dun look so bushy..and i still look fierce..yeah! XD but i wish my eyebrows are a little subtle

well...it's over for me, now i've forgone all obligations. i do feel a huge sense of emptiness leaving the main obligation but - i need to move on where i've left off

counselling - it's time for me. Like Ritsuka, i need it. Unlike Rituska who has hyponsis treatment. i really need to see the light of day if i want to succeed in my career: less depressive, be a better person, get a good grip on life. One of my SDs whom i'm in constant contact with may be transferred end of the year - so i'd better get this counselling over n done with cos since he's still here i can fall back on him if i've any doubts during counselling. And the other - heehee..studying farfar away! But still can email X3

i really hope to start being under counselling, scared but..i've been hiding in the shadows for too long and i'm draining everyone i know. It's high time i stop sapping people's energy and stay in my shell but be an energy-giver.

really hope to get the ball rolling

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distractions

The euphoria of finding out something extra from what's limited in the textbook is infinitely better than the exploding release of energy achieved in sexual orgasm

it's an office culture here that one has to work long hours. However the organisation needs to find out why - and not throw in advertised 'promises' which force employees to work longer hours to fufill it

NYX TONITE!!!!!

bloody tired..and why can't i Tezuka-buchou off my mind..*giggle*

"Dont look at me, I don't have the answers on my forehead."
You will - when I've found a pen!

"Hmph."
Damn you! Wipe that smirk off your face!
"Let me remind you - our street tennis is nothing you've experienced. Not even Seigaku's Tezuka Kunimitsu could pull off much here."
("ANIKI! ANIKI! ANIKI!")

i can only tahan one hour of my trance collections in English - doesn't help in my study. my anime collection, on the other hand, a little speed-up rhythms like Gravitation, Gundam Seed's Invoke, Invoke Phase Shift MAKES ME MOVE FORWARD - interesting..wonder why

trying not to go insane with this unbearable weather and textbook..Tezuka-buchouuuuu

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alone

to study

classmates - yeah, physically there. But interaction - almost none. It's just hi and bye. Typical locals. Conclusion: they aren't classmates, just a bunch of strangers. I'm just having a whale of a time in class laughing as the teacher lightens up the mood with her jokes

i'll just take my time anyway

on my own

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"spell battle commence"

obligations
away

unecessary bindings
repel

looking forward

only
my commitments
to those who i've been with
and they with me
- surround

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distractions

"Hmph. So, Oshitari, stopped looking at legs already? The sudden change.."
- Syuusuke Hana (PoT OOC fanfic 1st excerpt up)

"It's for my son."
- Tezuka Kunimitsu to Fuji Syuusuke (BL fic not up yet)

for previous posts please scroll down to "Blog Archive". All posts are complied weekly.

FINALLY WATCHING GINTAMA!!!! EVEN IF IT'S ALREADY TEN YEARS DOWN THE ROAD I'LL STILL TRY TO CHASE IT, KONO YAROU!!!!!

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Koutetsu Sangokushi ep 25 ending amended

Taishiji Shigi was not in it, some episodes before it he died in a fight

i'm just tormented that i can't do seiyuu thingys for now - cos i studying lor

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i'll never forget

i had confidence; i could articulate; i could stand in front of everyone n do what i do, smile and actually enjoy what i did; i moved around and talk to strangers; i smiled from my heart and greeted everyone; i could have two-way long conversations with many people whom i rarely had contact with; i had fun with a pet dog; kids were fine with me; i played with a baby and he responded happily; i stood up for myself; i had the strength move on a little; i left by myself; i had my sen no kaze-tachi to lean on and WS cheered me up flooding me with his endless Gintama funnies

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realisation

i understood why i don't feel 'in' anywhere i go

low self-confidence, "i duno what to offer", "what can i offer?"..trying my outmost best to be my best ends me up in weariness

then came that phrase again, "I AM SPECIAL."

it will take some time for me to accept this phrase. i think once i've accepted it, i'll find it easier to find out out more about myself too

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dokidoki

Aibo...what have u done...

YOU MAKE ME TREMBLE WITH EXCITEMENT AGAIN - i can sing, thanks to u..

will upload my Aozu-White-Line-amateur-seiyuu on YouTube ;)

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my Loveless wallet's saved

Soubi's disappeared! Only his butterfly remains

that's what happened when i buy cheap stuff with iron-on liquid-soluble drawings on wallets - crap

so there i was drifting around in IMM when i saw a $3 plus wallet which has - surprise! - a tissue holder behind!!! and - guess what colour i chose - dark pink, almost red! (i dun like red unless it's mixed with another colour) Green's too light, bright neon green, blue looks dull with its pattern - with a tissue holder behind i dun have to borther much about carrying a seperate pack!!! yaaay!!

n got myself a $6 plus pair of bathroom slippers - sensitive skin so i had to invest in a little more

n had me a new shoe rack!!! the fun part was putting it together with my mom - heh *baring fangs in satisfaction*

AND..good ol' Brick Game! this time this Brick Game innovated to new block games like racing - i like racing games *grin*

something came to my mind while trying to find a new pencil case..i can recycle my old ones cos i wanted to seperate between the basic n the coloured highlights blabla..i remember i have a flat Seigaku pencil case in my Seigaku corner..

hmm..let's analyse tomorrow..

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burn out

singing is supposed to be fun, out of the blue i'll even sing a line of my own

but not when i'm obliged when singing's involved

it's been one terrible week of no study: to record basic guitar n keyboard parts, singing the same whole song twice in low and high octave respectively, tedious sound editing cos i make heckofalotofmistakes, working with two freeware sound editors (opening one, blabla, exiting that one, open the other, blablabla, exiting, opening back..) cos one has the feature which the other doesn't

typing out #T%T! minutes for final handover (dam my English)

recording songs, copy n paste lyrics, re-read the lyrics, adding in my own notes as to when the solo comes in n how long the solos are to familiarise the songs for another event only to find out 3 of the 11 songs i've selected couldn't be played cos my songlist email wasn't read. So had to repeat the whole process, emailed the lyrics for one. And on that day itself that i fell sick, i really didn't receive any email of the final songlist and sang about half of the songs that was practiced, was given a bad mic which no one could hear me until almost the end of the performance..and i felt totally low at the presence of someone so well-dressed, so charismatic, so confident, so comfortable on-stage - but it was a blast that i did backup vocals with someone so great

but really...drained out..i dun think i wanna touch another mic for some time..can't even bring myself to sing English songs..not even learning any Japanese songs..listening to anime songs okay..but not to learn the lyrics..just listen..

no, dun try to push me to another perspective. i can't go on - the stress i still can feel as if it's last week - i'm really stressed out until i can burst

again back to the issue - having a bf would help me now

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sidetracks

AAARGH!!! DUNWANTOSTARTDUNWANTOSTARTDUNWANTOSTARTWORK!!!!

AAAAA!!! MO!!!!!
Understanding takes patience, my young pupil. Hmm..you buttoned-up too tight
A-a no..yaa..!!!


(paper fell)
oi, you DO NOT COVER TEZUKA BUCHOU'S FACE!


mmm..ima wa nanji de-A-AAAA!!!! W-waga-shi'o!! Y-ya!! D-dame des-!!


[turns] Setsuna?
[(excited whispers) So that's Setsuna F. Seiei!!!]

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yeeeaah..

feeling way better

now that i've got loads off my back

and thanks to LP who spotted Tieria, sending fireworks bursting into my night sky!!! i can see the fireworks forming the words "TIERIA MOE DAY"!!!! KYAAAA!!! and for her it's "TIERIA AND ISHIDA AKIRA MOE DAY"!!!!! XD And she translated Yun Kouga's comments for the Gundam illustration book - suge about Setsuna siah!!! And some translations from the magazine too!!!

She had to take a taxi home after that to rush to buy dinner home..paiseh siah..

and..oh well..i mean i wanna say it, but after listening to Kai's seiyuu-ing (i still wonder who's PAL, i know what's NICAM and PAL, not "who"..) i really am not worthy to even talk about it but since LP gave me a little nudge on the phone yesterday..might as well..

i tried to do a 4-5 lines BL monologue with kansai-ben but yesterday when i listened to it, i'd realised i din do much voice change in both characters, i may upload it on YouTube just for the fun of it bcos it's my first time reciting a kansai-ben dialogue. The funny part is the dialogue was actually from a "how to understand basic kansai-ben" book and from a decent tele-conversation setting i could change it to BL!!! what the - ?!!!

no, aibo draws zeros in his sleep, i'm still at pencil stage

but LP mentioned about me doing a four-lined White Line which was good. Hmm, maybe i'll upload in YouTube too

i'm not worthy to do koebu.com..and..oi, what's this about "my Japanese is bad bcos i'm a Singaporean" ?! i can't even speak a decent sentence! it'll take me years siah!

anyway...it was amazing that i could read a few hiragana and understand about ten characters from the magazine. Very slow but..i'm proud of myself that i dared to open a Japanese magazine and read it alone in the public

and today i understood something: reliance

it's something new

i used to curse and swear why things aren't done the way they should be, disturbing my private time

but today..the word "reliance" came to me

and there's happiness, cos, i'm not just a "being" in the house, i'm not just a "nobody" in the house - i'm needed, and this need is urgent, genuine, unspoken - but desperately needed

for once the feeling of "i'm needed at home" home, where i live in, grow up in, eat, sleep, play my pc in, trash about in..

i feel accepted at the weirdest circumstances

i'm happy, i'm not afraid anymore, i can live with it

thank You Da

and you know what's amazing? Imagine talking to a religious brother about anime and manga culture: introducing shounen-ai, yaoi, BL, yuri, kansai-ben, TEZUKA BUCHOU, FUJI SYUSUKE, INUI SADAHARU AND OSHITARI YUUSHI, seiyuu...SUGE NA

but i've got a problem..i don't know how to figure with my studies..there's so much to do for now: final huge duties in both ministries, preparing for dis Sun's gig by listening to new songs, studies..heeelp

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taking matters into my own hands

u know, i can either be borthered by the state of depression that i'm in right now or choose to move on despite the depressive state i'm in

this is my third time re-doing this entry, really

it's just that there's a new problem which i can't handle. The only way is to calm my mind by - well, back to old habits again - i hate that, really

but there's still hope, i'm slowly coming to terms with it

But still
your hand
reaches out

holding on
to any link
that
i may
- Respond -
i have

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SCREEEEEEAAAAAAM

i'm still under depression but..サンキウ..相棒 (「モンスター カード オパン!」) and WS..no, u wouldn't know that i'm in depression but ur sms cheered me up..サンキウ

and these little things make me jump

NEO ANGELIQUE ABYSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN SEE NYX AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ニクス様あああああ...会いたいいいいいいいいいいいい!!!!!!

Ne, Sen no Kaze-tachi!! Is Nyx considered Megane? BUT HE ONLY WEARS A MONOCULE NYAAAAA!!!!!!!

by the way..Nyx = William Walter Wordsworth in Trinity Blood!!!!!

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i'm tired

frustrations overload
(why wouldn't you change)
yellling is all this house ever gets
from me

no one to lean on
no one to cry to
the tears i hide
the dreams i sigh

i just wish...there's someone
to touch
and hold me

------------------------------
butterfiles are beautiful
to be pinned on
and
much more..
- Attribution Soubi/Ritsu (Koumei)

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