missed/ing

am i missing on something? i've missed a lot..missing on movies, TV programmes, anime...but really it's interests. it has become a point that if it doesn't interest me i'm out, not that i want to but i don't want to waste my energy when i'm out - somehow it has also come to a point of "it's fine by me"

it's that i've come to a phase where i'm slowing down, being constantly disturbed by the urge to listen to the peaceful silence that keeps nagging at me

non-business-wise if i can't join 'em, just stay out, don't waste your energy and pretend that you're interested. Yes, i'm still fascinated by lotsa new things - my interests.

Kak is an example of how it's ok to be out so many common interests yet still able to get along well with people. i admire her and keep asking myself when can i be like her. And now...i'm proud to say..

i'm going to new places and soaking in my interests by myself on my own...i duno how to say it..i'm eager to embark on it - ah that's the best expression. No one comes with me, no one accompanies me, it's ok, cos interests differ. And i share when there's a chance. i wouldn't want to hang out with those who are engrossed in their own world - an advice from a senior - grow up, don't keep telling everyone just one interest, progress on telling them of your other interests. that way u'll diversify - and live.

having friends of different ages has shown me a lot although i'm still finding my footing but it isn't as shaky as it used to be, i'm a little more aware. it's just that i need more time as to how to react to things i cannot control and i don't need affirmation from everyone - after so many years of being betrayed and lied to i'd decided to just hear from those who really know me

and neither will i say anything more the same person again if i've no energy, i'm told in/directly "i don't want to hear it from you" or if the person is only interested in "hitting back", showing no respect to me being older

c'mon, will anyone around my age say this to you? very few..they just keep it to themselves. Some people would go "waaaa" as they see this person being so high-flyer or "being there" but within..is what i've just typed. Not just based on my own but also people tellling me and observing too

go figure