sigh..

taking the road less travelled isn't easy, it's even lonelier

but i have nowhere to go, no more options, a dead end, i can't meet expectations anymore. for years i have tried to the best of my ability - every inch of my sanity - as much as i could but still my heart is restless - it wants to do what i've always wanted

now that i get the chance, why not? i'm getting old in years - how long do i want to wait? most of all finally i have people to help me, why not?

yes, i do want people to affirm and acknowledge, yes i know they care but they are putting me down. As much as i can i dun wan to bother what they say. Thus it seems impossible to talk about it to anyone now

i tell you now, even if it's 1% chance of success, it's still success. i don't want, at my deathbed, saying "i regret not doing what i've always wanted since i was young" or "i should've done it when i have the chance"

there is no last hope - i can't stop laughing sarcastically or in humour when dramas go "you are our last hope"

i will go on living to see it work