dead

gone haywire ever since i lost my job that i thought i was enjoying myself with = dignity lost

have been trying too hard to justify myself in keeping myself occupied, jealousy grows hearing my mum's "day at work" every single day. No sympathy, no empathy given because it has always been, "Listen to me," in the family, let alone the nuclear family

i feel that i have no tongue, no voice. i feel like i'm just seeing pictures of people moving their mouths. And if i make just a little effort to listen - i get hurt bcos i don't feel belonged

i hate it when there's nothing but just being safe aka, "Don't you dare tell me to change because - #%!# you - i'm not because i expect you to change."

i'm on medication now, thanks to their selfishness

i'm in tears now, thanks to their ignorance

honestly i just want to get out and perhaps drink myself a little over tipsy

but i wonder why i'm not moving

perhaps being oblivious at home could be the best coping mechanism at home for now