busy~

i cannot believe it! i'm so busy?!

things are getting better since i went for psychotherapy. It's a wild ride but the key is being receptive. Not easy. Why can't not have it earlier? i think i wouldn't be receptive. Years have mellowed me down to an extend. For me, i really believe that's an important state of self to being receptive.

thanks to the start of psychotherapy i've finally found myself. Sure things are still the stormy same at home but at least i could have my own voice in a little way or two but that makes a big impact. Although still living under the same roof but no longer hiding in shadows. Perhaps a sense of independence as in no longer having 100% of uncertainty as before.

wanted to stop this blog actually but decided to tell my story as abovementioned. i risk this because i want you, dear reader to know, that there are struggles within oneself on the internet. That people keep quiet about their illness but give a happy / nonchalant face. That there are people in this world suffering in silence about their psychological / emotional selves but dare not tell for fear of being questioned

but i want to tell you that there are a few of us who step out from our shadows to tell you, hey, there's no shame in seeing a doctor about your mental condition. There are kids as young as 10 years and below who are undergoing constant medication and counselling for their psychological well-being. There are people as young as 20 years old - you can't see that they have a mental illness. You can't believe your eyes when you think this person who's ordinary is an outpatient for mental illness. You can't believe a heavily tattooed person - as all the other patients just stare in fear and wonder why such a person who would be so brazen on the streets - would actually stand in sullen - maybe awkward - silence before pharmacist in a mental hospital who instructs how often to take the medication.

mental illness is a hidden illness. Mental illness is a general term of a full spectrum of diagnosis, eg, depression, autism, dementia, etc. From each diagnosis there's a more detailed level, and crossovers too. Then there's the root cause which can be an eternal enigma to even the highest level of professors, researches because scientists have only scrapped a thin surface of the study of the brain - why? because they are not gods. They aren't the creators of the human brain since the beginning of time.

it's dang awkward to say about my condition but hey, you're not alone. i'm not totally 'healed' yet but i have started to get rooted - that i can see forward more than dwell 100% in my past!

mental illness is slowly getting more public awareness but it wouldn't start if no one has the bravery to go and see a doctor for assessment.

take care of yourself
おだいじに！