i vill sae zis onli vonce

Merry Christmas

it's been a long draining season, having to see someone close to you on the verge of life and death. i think i've been selfish, hoping that she'll live. But seeing her at the hospital a few days ago, i changed my mind. Today i made up my mind to say, "She'd suffered too much, it's better she go." - i've given up asking, cos i'm not the one to decide whether she should live or die. Call me selfish cos she's go young kids of her own. But really, only a miracle on her will let her live. But say there is one, say she'll live - but how? she's in a veggie-like state..and how long will she live? These questions still run in my mind everyday.

not only that, days ago i received another news of another family member. As if one is not enough.

it has come to a point that i'm slowly not going to borther. Aibo's sentence works for this case, something like, "Don't let what people do affect your life." i'm thankful that Lay Peng keeps me company online, and smses me cheering me up - and that she's blogged so much that i haven't..it's Christmas anyway, so..at least i should blog a bit.

on the nicer note, i've been to a reunion party, and i told myself to enjoy myself there despite heartache seeing my ex. i still say this - he's the best bf i've ever had, true i've problems letting go. but thinking and seeing how things have gone by on his side: i'd realised, yeah, it's his side of the turf and i'm not in it anymore. Let him settle his own matters, let his own family settle their own problems - i'm gone. Really gone. And i'm slowly getting closer to totally letting go. People may see me as naive or weak, but my new circle of friends have seen this weak side of me too, so -shrug- yeah. On the whole, it's nice to see old friends again.

Then came another party. Which i learnt so much only after the party. i had decided to keep a distance from someone since that person doesn't like me. In a way i'm like her which she doesn't like in herself - i'll leave that to her to figure that out on her own while i stand for the truth and keep my feet on the ground when things get out of hand. ..i didn't get much thanks for what i've done for the group which i still wonder if i'm of any use there: the choir members weren't looking at me conducting, they were looking at their scores XD but, really i think i wanna take a break. the demand for me is too great, i just dun wish to commit. Still thinking about it.

Christmas Day. Was good, seeing my relatives dropping by n looking at my mom's Christmas decoration (they didn't see the decoration on the kitchen walls?! XD) and we played card games...which part of you-still-need-brains-for-Uno i didn't get?!!! XD no matter what it was fun, we just played like kids yet still young adults we are XD

hmm..i'm supposed to get to 'work' but really i wish i could go OUT NOW

lazy me