how much do i need..

hours before dawn there was a sound of an avalanche in the storeroom to which a few seconds later i drifted to sleep

this morning i awoke n found a blister on my toe. As i went to the storeroom to get my plaster i remembered the avalanche. i opened the door - and froze

out of nowhere, Monoploy board game had fallen - and a slight mess within - dragging along the bags that were hung next to it, landing onto smaller things like hair mousse, mosquito spray, liquid soap (huge bottle)..all cluttered all over the floor

it was the Monopoly that got me rooted to the floor

まさか...

i fought back insanity, "No, it just fell, there's no connection whatsoever.."

i almost snapped in nervous breakdown because i was screaming within, begging that everything would be alright, one shock yesterday, now this - it cannot be that coincidental..

i stood rooted for a minute, although in my mind was, "pick up, pick up.." it wasn't until i heard a movement that i forced myself to snap out of it

and the sky's dark with thunder..went to the kitchen n brought the clothes back in from the pegholes..i really feel very uncomfortable..although there's a cute doggie (looks cute from my view) sniffing from one bush to another

as i left the kitchen for the hall..just one..

無事だよ...

i'd learnt a lot by de-linking but if the root of the "why" hasn't been solved, i'd never be able to de-link things n move on in my life. So it's amazing that i still am able to hit some Japanese in this wreck state i'm in..i know, i don't sound wrecked just because i'm using my mind to move my fingers on the keyboard at the same time

i wanted to try something n upload on YouTube...but..the Monopoly..i can't..like Muru, somehow i'm "shut up"

but sidetrack: no matter what, learning Japanese is my childhood dream. i'm not going to let anything hinder this dream

and i just got a smaller shock..i was "re-edited" - rather a photo of mine XD if i have such smooth face - aw man i'm so jealous!!!! XD!!!! PROST YA!!!!! XD

AND WHY IN THE WORLD HAD I NOT USED NEUTROGENA PORE REFINING TONER EARLIER?!!! just one nite n - i am LOOKING at the differencE in the mirror !!!!! Highly recommended

oh i just remembered..i've got homework..

right, i'll reply some ema..

i just read two..i froze in shock again and my life..just went to the drain once more..i can't stop cursing n swearing at the pain that i'm taking..had i fucking read my inbox earlier..

anyway..i'll reply emails..*groan* Dai Gor..du..XD!!!!! make my dream come true make my dream come true..weiss..ja ja..farben, farben..verstehe verstehe..

「just one wish
before」 i deny my「self」
kick ass, LOST REASON..KYAAA!!! I CAN NEVER SING LIKE NISHIKAWA TAKANORI!!!!! HE ROCKS!!!! of COURSE i KNOW my voice..

i never knew i've ended up like someone i never want to be

the only thing that's different - my rock roots, the only so-call tangible existence that i'm clinging on..in this wrecked state i'm in i'm not even sure if i can sing this weekend..