irk

the more i edit the recordings of this particular lesson the more i'm pissed

t'was the final day before my exam

i was already in a state of panick until i forgot to switch off my handphone. i already couldn't understand a single thing that the teacher was talking and suddenly my handphone vibrated. What was worse was that i made the mistake of replying which got me even angrier with the replies - no need to reply to me, really uneccessary. What was even worst that the person was arguing for nothing with me when previously i had already told the truth - so why dispute? the truth is the truth, there's nothing subjective bcos it is the absolute truth. i made the mistake of thinking that the person is matured enough to handle it.

the person didn't know the hell i was going through - and of course the person would sure be saying the same thing but c'mon, grow up, really. If someone of ten years of age older than u gives u an advice - seriously - just shut up and take it. Dun like, throw it one side and just nicely reply instead of going all emo on me - i'm human, not a punching bag, dang it.

Really it has come to a point that even talking to Dai Gor has badly affected me. i want to help but after that ugly incident i hate giving advices for fear of another wave of retort and exasperation by anyone, even of whom of my age. It has come to a point that i just want to see everyone's life pass me by, just like that, n i'll just shut myself out and not meet or talk to anyone. Really, i have no confidence in meeting anyone at this point in time.

Apology? Do we play the blame game? May i? Seriously i'm badly affected. If i should blame i'll take it upon myself - for being a friend to that person.

i'd decided - i want my space, too noisy. So i ended the whole thing nicely. Whatever happens from now i want no part of it - bcos it's infinitely noisy on my side - i have my own unsolved problems. Try having someone throwing so many problems at you every single day without being solved or having no desire to be solved.

i should've known not to try to keep in contact when i'd decided never to.