tired

again

i'm being bullied because i'm at the lower end of any hierachy. The only thing i wanna do is stay at home and play my game. At least i'm safest here. i feel low about myself. i don't know what good am i. Clever i am not. There are people out there who just want to make my life miserable. They just want to win, so they just trample on me because i am the most vulnerable, easy to be bullied, because i don't fight back.

because if i do, i'll end up berserk and can hurt anyone physically in my path

i tried everything to make my life work. Everytime i do something it ends up in failure because it's not my destiny, not my fate

and now, the worst is yet to come

an old severe injury of mine is coming back to get me. i am feeling the nagging pain there. If taken care of, i can delay ending up in hospital. However my job will not allow me to do so. In fact, any job.

i have dreamt not once, but a few times of me being on a wheelchair. Perhaps this is my fate.

what have i done to deserve this? where did i go wrong? i tried so hard to live like each day is the last, yet now -