sprained ankles and knee, slightly injured shoulder and hand

a quick one...

it happened on the first day of the funeral. i was drowsy from medicine but too upset that i couldn't sleep, just count the hours away before i head out. When i was out, i was dragged in circles cos someone smart-Alecked although didn't know the way. Not only that, when u have a constant sharp-high pitched voice that keeps discrimminating u from day til night non-stop n u r heavy with drowsiness and sick..

nervous breakdown climax

both feet suddenly sank into a low-impression curb, left ankle went almost 90 degrees, i got a shock, right ankle gave way, fell on my right. Couldn't move for 5 or more minutes. i was so blur with shock until i almost vomitted. My mum refused to take taxi home cos she say it's too far - i'm forced to take from the central station - we were up north

imagine the unbearable pain...and to be further tortured by the same social-class-discrimminating irritating person who took the same mrt ride with u and still wouldn't be sympathetic or shut up

i got the blame for my fall...the f*k everyone thinks i'm in the wrong when the actual culprit goes scot-free

those outside my family empathise with me - and i wanna thank WS for his smses and complains, keeping me occupied, Lay Peng for your smses and concerns, Kai - despite what he's going thru', smses. Rain, thank u too.

See u all Sun - dun mind me limping..

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heaviness in the midst of festivities

Death
as usual you wouldn't know when it comes

i thought it would come maybe months later, maybe Easter

but just when everyone starts moving after two days' of the-more-ang-pows-you-get-the-merrier

it is the third day which one wouldn't expect
it is the third day when One Rises
and the other Follows
Only i would understand it for now

'Cause for them the grief is much too great
Their pain too much to take

Yet worry much i cannot

Call me selfish but i am tired
Tolerance to spent time with others has expired
Maybe my perception change when i hug the kids of their late mother
As my eyes meet the sorrowful eyes of their father

To you of whom you've passed
Onwards from this life to the next
Never linger on this earthly life that has past
Only unto Paradise should your aim must fix

While here we grief
We pray for you
For the day your destiny's fulfilled
To be free from the Cleansing Fires of Purgatory
And be in Heaven eternally

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Gundam spoiler

TRANS-AM!!!!

SONNNNNAAAA!!!! WHEN'S THE NEXT EP!!!!!!!!!

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sigh

all hard work lost..overwritten a 7-page Word document. Give up. There's no time to copy a whole thick book...guess i'll just read it for information ba...anyway it's a HTML and XML book

to grasp HTML CSS and XML is my aim. To overwrite a whole load of hard work - my heart just fell to my feet

again i've to drag myself today to see people whom i'd rather avoid for the time being

i feel such a loser in the midst of people who are degree-holders and professionals

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backward

i've so much to catch up on

i know i'm slow. i know my friends are far ahead of me. i know i'm climbing.

i know people think i'm useless. it's not that i didn't reach out. i did. but they've found other avenues

so i got my space

three days non-stop out, i've never been so tired. my mood's affected

wanted to write a Tezuka/Fuji fic but duno wat to write

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saved

i had one of the best day of my sick-health-days

it's been so long since i met up with Kai and Lay Peng together. They make me a sick person cough all the more with hilarious accounts of all the funny anime and niconico stuffs they've watched and Wee Siong's smses with Kai's voice-protrayal as i call it..i couldn't stop laughing..they make a sick person so happy. Kai's sick too, but he was so full of energy, he's amazing. i guess it's what our ex-Buchou said, "Chemistry." It's true. To me no chemistry = no spontaneous and hilarious fun

and to owe someone before Chinese New Year, being unable to pay before Chinese New Year is something not of a nice thing in Chinese tradition. But Kai isn't that type - and he saved me, my pc and my harddisk - my life

and we sang mecha songs during our mrt ride home!!!

CS next Sunday!!!!! ohoh, i want to mumble 4 minutes during our ride home XD!!!

picked up a Gaia the Fierce Knight card!!!!!!! But after holding it..i decided to put it back to its original place where the owner dropped it. It's not mine. It's second-hand. i duno much about Yugi O cards but the anime seems to have a high esteem for this card. If i want a card i'd get a new one - one whole proper deck. Not as to stoop so low to keep an incidentally-dropped card which has been used over and over again.

i thought i could stay home but couldn't. i'm not pleased when i've to wake up a few hours later to carry something heavy which i'm not the one to be invovled in - i guess i'm not pleased to go to my relative's home cos they think they're one up so they can depise me. Seriously why are they so - aaaargh

my friends are better. they don't despise me. And bcos of that i've them to look up to - that's why they're called friends.

Earworm
Haru No Katami
Chitose Hajime
Ayakashi~ Japanese Classic Horror ending

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day two - out!

woah

well, i had to find me a wallet nya!!! my Ichigo's bursting!!!!

So i went to West Mall, this cosmetics shop cos they sell cheap stuffs there. When i went there, i saw a dance act. It was the same dance troupe which performed at West Mall last year.

This year they added a Western magic show - to which the audience didn't get the joke that the many dollar bills he 'magicked' out of he keep.

And then there are two acrobatic performances: one with a farming equipment that looks like the softer and more melodious version of a trident when it's moved about: goodness, the person made it look so easy - his muscles weren't even twitching! Then there's another lady juggling with a table with her legs!!! Wow. I stood through one hour-plus - mesmerised!!!

So after that i went to the cosmetic jewellery shop - n bought two nail polishes - green transparent - a colour i've been looking for but looking for a cheap one, finally found it there. And another shiny slightly dark sliver. Then bought a cheap black eyeliner - all in the hopes of getting a one-day one-pair green contacts. Then bought two hair brushes. Walked around to see if they have a cover for my mp3 player: my thumbprints are decorating the mp3 player.

Couldn't find. Something tells me to go Jurong East library to get the book i reserved after having to wait for the customer service in the West Mall library.

Again i had to wait when i was at Jurong East. Gave up. Restroom - nature more important. Then i remembered the second storey. Thank goodness i din have to wait. Got the book but the frustrating part was the staff started to explain things which ended up irrelevant to my question - i felt as if she was blaming me indirectly thinking i was stupid. The stupid thing was the book that i reserved was on the shelf, not reserved at all cos she said my book wasn't traced although i checked the status was "Traced Placed" then "Reservation Pending"!!!!

Then i went to Boon Lay to see if i can buy a wallet at The Wallet Shop. i was thinking of the Billabong wallet with a chain. Coudn't find it - out of production i guess. The rest of the wallets dun appeal to me. And the components in the wallet dun have a good area for me to chain to my pocket. Went to John Little. Found the colour i need but it's not feasible to have two keychains strapped to a wallet - i just need one! And the chain fills up the compartments: difficult to take money out. Up to Comics Connection. Couldn't find one either.

So, home. i guess i may end up buying a wallet at my own place after all the running around! i wanted to put all my stuffs home but figured it'll be too late - meeting my mom. So i hanged around at the new shops: and found one cosmetic jewellery shop! And i got more than i bargained for: found me a wallet, EARRINGS!!! COOL ONES TOO!!! and they have earrings especially for two earholes in one side of the ear...i've got four earholes...heheheh..and cool earrings too, i saw one handcuff earring..so BL..love it..bought it!!!

Then after that i got to buy more new tops to go with me bermudas!!! i'm just too happy...it's really a bore to see me wearing just two T-shirts for two years. I figured i may be slimming down even more so no harm risking to buy those "clingy" materials.

But when i came home there was lots to be done cos my bedsheet, pillow and bolster cases all had to be taken out and put on new ones. Then help my mom hanging the clothes.

So glad i'm online after that. Shared new Tezuka, Fuji, Oshitari n Atobe pics - Tezuka the most! i practically flooded Lay Peng with so many Tezuka pics *giggle* Kai was online too. Then ended up smsing Wee Siong about coloured contact lenses. Then continued with Lay Peng and now - looking for a message board to put in my fan/fic blog..

tmw..another day out..woohoo!!!

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budget

didn't intend to go out today but job agency wanted to see me. So i thought: might as well check out the Creative Headquarters since i'll be around the area

my Nano died on me, my fault, i'm so 'rough', keep dropping anything that i have: my Nokia N958G is of no exception!

i went there, expecting refurbished mp3s...what i got was: the place had gotten smaller and fewer stuffs were displayed and no refurbished mp3s - i'd made up my mind: i'd buy Creative mp3 speakers when i get my ang bao. Poor thing Creative had to retrench workers due to the recession. The speakers are ok too, about $40 plus. This local brand is good. So i'll support it. I can't do much, can only do so little to help. Hopefully more people will chip in to buy Creative stuffs to bring back the retrenched workers.

had nice service there :) learnt much from the service staff too. i was looking for the cheapest mp3 that has a software which allows me to edit track information. The staff suggested i download their media player (much later at home i'd realised it's impossible to run the program if i don't have a Creative soundcard..sigh..so i had to take the risk n manual install from my previous installation CD...my Spybot gave me weird messages..sigh..deny change lor..since it works).

i looked at the pink colour of the mp3 player - and i got sicker. I'd buy it if the pink is of a much lighter pastel colour. White gets dirty. i saw blue but it was only for display as blue sold out. Blue Seigaku mah ;p They had black so i opt for it. But the service staff couldn't hear me cos my throat's weak - thank goodness i tried my very best to raise my voice and i was saved - he took the pink away and got me the black one.

After that i asked for directions to IMM. Deposited the money to pay my bills. Then went to Daiso to see if i can get a nice base nail coat. Thought of buying a dark metallic nail polish colour too - couldn't find it. On a budget anyway, so settled for the nail base coat - not sure if my nails are sensitive cos it says for sensitive nails. All i know is i have weak nails.

Walked around some optical shops to ask if they sell one-day green contact lenses for a pair, not box. None has. Oh well, guess i wun be wearing cosmetic contacts for SOY, sigh..

Ah, Comics Connection - how can i resist? Anyway, need to buy a wallet - my Ichigo cloth wallet thining at the sides. First i saw Fuji (Syusuke) handphone strap!!!!! But budget, so din buy. Then i saw SEIGAKU KEYCHAIN!!!! Sigh, budget so din buy.

Then i spent - i think - 20 mins of tearing myself to buy just one wallet among $14 plus Soubi wallet (SOUBIIIII!!!!!), $8 plus Byakuya and $9 plus "L Change The World". Of all the three, i have no unsettling feelings of buying it. Byakuya though cheap but the design is painted on and i previously experienced before - the paint comes off VERY EASILY. Soubi wallet too big though i love it but i want it! BUT there was an unsettling feeling = not to buy it although i decided to buy it with the L wallet. In the end, L wallet looks most compact for me. AARGH, just opened it and - THERE'S NO COIN COMPARTMENT - WTF!!!!!! not safe also - it'll fall out without a zipper for me to hook it to my pocket. My wallets have fallen out of my pockets so many times - i wouldn't want to risk it for the sake of beauty. AAAAARGH!!!! Well, diedie must buy a decent wallet liao. Wallet Shop at Jurong Point! I saw what i like, heehee..what, expect me to buy a Braun Buffel meh?! I want! But so expensive.

wanted to buy one after Chinese New Year but when i took a second look at my Ichigo cloth wallet - not good, may break anytime. have to buy one soon.

Well, i'm just having fun with my Creative mp3 player - at least that's a comfort.

Should've bought Fuji handphone strap. At least i CAN USE. grr

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all in a day

9.3oam
finished printing the fan-transcripted Loveless CD Drama translation

10am
plus took a cab to the clinic, realised left my sweater (and something too personal to say here) at home. Cab u-turned. Managed to get registration fees too.

12pm
Finished seeing the doctor - got stronger medication this time. Smsed Lay Peng see if she was out. She was home. Asked me if i want to go out tomorrow to which i replied i couldn't...stupid medication.

12pm plus
Jurong East. Paid my school fees, bought me a black nail polish and nail polish remover for SOY - just dress up, not cosplaying. Decided to have my hair trimmed after all. Smsed Lay Peng if she wanna meet at Jurong Point. She wasn't well so we didn't.

2pm
Haircut at around Boon Lay area. Yakked with my other Dai Gor about his last year's Chinese New Year Eve: his work, the two-day old red meat and seafood he bought which turned a different colour for reunion dinner, his kids, my cough XD

3pm
decided to try looking for the HTML/XML book i returned 2 hours ago. As usual, can't find it - lazy bunch. It was a good book though!

almost 3.30pm i guess
Went back to my central to see if there's any similar book i can find - dun have. Realised MOS Burger's opening soon!!!! AWRIGH!!!! shadows, yeeeeah!!!! XD

almost 4
came home realised tomorrow i need to go out so as not to breathe in the paint from the door grilles when they're painted. Smsed Lay Peng - realised i was too late. Oh well, in the end the painting's cancelled, and i can rest happily at home

5pm plus
online

nightime
watched the last few episodes of Mononoke with Lay Peng, us msning about the episodes. Msned with Kai too - i hope all turns out cool for him, really i really do
managed to yak crack with Atobe-sama for a while too, but seems like the crack Tezuka inspiration didn't work out
cos i think i can't stop thinking non-BL anymore XD
Read Lay Peng's fanfics as much as i can and commented them one by one :3

i'm just glad i'm doing things together with my pals. i hate being alone. i hate doing things alone all the time. Thanks to Lay Peng n Kai whom i'm happy to be wrapped around by - i'm such a dependant..

i'm so not like the Medicine Man who can do things alone but also mingles with people. He's so cool and suave too. He's - just cool.

Demo ano hito wa..
But he is..

ningen ja nai..
not human..

to omoiomasu..
i think..

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Ayakashi Bakeneko / Mononoke

in an ancient period where secrets were cleverly keep hidden, unknown to the world outside, yet lurks deep within the will, hovering, devouring, engulfing..

a stranger stands outside, what does he want..?

enter the classic Japanese logical-horror anime of Ayakashi, the Bakeneko arc and its spin-off series Mononoke. But be warned of some screams and its grotesque nature with very realistic effects

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stand for what is right

i got scolded for standing what is right

i overheard a tele-conversation which my mom said, "Ya la, best no operation."

What gives anyone the right to make that decision except between the doctor and patient? But since in vegetable state the patient is medically unfit to make any decision. The doctor doesn't say operation out of whims and fancy

"Positive thinking." Was what i got

that means no operation, not even death

So let the patient suffer? Thanks to "no complicated medical 'pipes', let patient breathe without (when the patient's suffering from lung cancer), we depend on religion" that the vegetable patient got worse and religion's given a bad reputation!

i got scolded when i challenged, on religious grounds, against my mom and the family member's "positive thinking"

for years i've struggled with death, attending the funerals of whom i love so much, whom i've been crying and still cry for - i think the worst thing that anyone faces is accepting death

Every week death is right in front of my eyes, i pass by a traquil place of sealed-up urns almost every week, reading the name of the deceased - of one i cannot hold my tears back anywhere - i'm dam f--ing challenged not only to see but to ACCEPT the one death i couldn't which has crippled my life

it's hard to trust in something you can't see - Peace. It's really hard to trust in it.

But once i do it. That one death became easier to accept. I took that very first step. And slowly i could let go, still crying but feeling better once i've accepted it.

But my mom has not, she's deluded herself somewhat. I cannot blame her. No i don't

For me, in the patient's case, i've learnt not to even think about the patient, once i've told myself to accept "let nature take its course for that patient"

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getting better

with the exception of still spitting out phelgm - lesser now - which i wonder when in my body will end!

but that's good news and a relief to my poor weakened body..and - although added on with the female's monthly 'nightmare' - which is another relief, cos i've redone my fanfic blog into almost a ff.net style, i borrowed a good but thick book for HTML/XML with the thought of doing a good menu style and redoing a blog but my health has been bad so i can't finish the book - i can return the book without worries now, thanks to Blogger's widgets~ i don't have to find another avenue for my stories

but i'd like to buy this book if i can one day - fun to read

well...next week i can get to enjoy New Year with no 'nightmare' worries!!! AND I'M OK FOR SOYA!!!!! but have to watch my health: i may get a relapse if i don't take care cos my body's still weak while recuperating and if i've registered my course would start soon so i gotta take really great care

but this week i do get a little panicky..cos of my frail health i haven't registered for my diploma course yet, i hope i can - by dis Friday

i think Derf gets motivated by being 'forced to learn'. This motivation thingy..i'd realised that i'm motivated when i register to study something - it gives me "an official purpose", brings me one level-up, a more constant 'prodding' (aka "keep goin' on strong, yeah?") - unlike self-paced i tend to fall into long lapses of 'hibernation' before i take up from where i left - which i'd realised i'd forgotten everything n had to almost start from scratch again and again

Well, i still cannot land myself in Bunka Japanese language school for now...until many years later i guess..i've to build up (bam-bam-bam-bam! Build up! Bam-bam-bam-bam! Bara-bara-ba-bam-bam..!!! XD) my career first (i'm still hoping to land myself in IT..)

anyway, i'm still weak in hiragana, but language always stays almost unchanged, so there's always a chance in years to come

But one thing i'm excited about is: i can find an "official reason" to study with Lay Peng in the library if she's going! Although we're studying for different stuffs, that is ;)

i just can't wait...to pass...cos...all my cousins are degree holders...except for one but excused..i have to level-up, so as to show the nuclear family that i can too which will stop some of the members despising my family.

"I have a diploma," that's what i wanna hear myself say one day

i want this

i really do

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let's be upfront about this (1 of 2): of programs n dubbing

cos i cannot do anchors like i did before i'd decided to divide my entries into two: the first about tv programs and dubbing, the second about my health - actually i blogged about my health first but realised after this new entry it would become second - "oteiru darou? Sayonara Inui (i listened again to it this morning)"...XD!!!!

so let's talk about these. Why? cos i'm impressed with Malaysia: i like their programs better: they have a good spread: Hokkien, Hakka, Cantonese, Mandarin, Taglog, Bahasa Indonesia, Spanish, Arabic, Bollywood, cartoons, good education in-between programs eg teaching kids not to play traunt using 3d animation. And their programme schedules are so tidy! Not to mention less darker, less noisy, less fake-accents, less-wannabes and less-plastic home-made dramas and programmes.

But let's be fair. Sidetrack: yesterday night: Rather than torturing my ears to hear in-the-end-overhyped-can't-really-sing-voices (sorry) i chose to watch a thrift show where the hosts were in Japan - they rock! Although Quan Yifeng jokes in broken Japanese she gets away with it cos she's so herself - comical, fun-loving, witty - and i was laughing in good humour without prejudice. But no - let's NOT talk about the 'Japanese' in Little Nonya.

Okay back to Malaysian tv programmes. Even better - i hardly watch repeated cartoon-series!!! And even if they do, it's nostalgic eg VOLTRON!!!! And i get to watch anime that's not shown here - guess what - TRINITY BLOOD!!!! But let's be fair about this anime : very religiously sensitive. In fact, i had problems watching it for the first time. But - Abel Nightroad fan here!! Anyway, no matter what, there IS respect and dare i say some parts of - authenticity - for the religion of which the anime is based on.

Sidetrack: First experience: Hellsing: at first it shocked the life out of me with their 'reglious dabble' and i got a terrible headache watching it - but i'm PROUD to have watched it to the end!!!

Lemme say this: no matter how much they 'dabble': all manga artists and anime animators respect religion

Okay, cartoons bring me to the next topic: dubbing. THE BEST - AND THE ONLY GOOD - ANIME DUB I'VE WATCHED IN SINGAPORE IS YUGI O (YU GI OH) DUEL MONSTERS. BUT WE CAN RECOGNISE THE SHORTAGE OF MANPOWER. PRINCE OF TENNIS..FAIL - i'm sorry to say..AND PLEASE FIND AN EQUIVALENT TO THE WORD 'SENPAI'..SAYING "MOMO-SENIOR" WON'T DIE.

BUT DUBBING IN MALAYSIA: LONG HISTORY. AND THEIR VOICES ARE SO MUCH NEARER TO THE ORIGINALS. TOP THAT.

MALAYSIAN VOICE ACTORS:

1. PRINCE OF TENNIS. i was so relieved that Malaysia voice actors said "Abang Momo" - the closest and the best address they can ever get to Momo-senpai. FUJI = ORGINAL!!!! SCREEEEEAAAAAM!!!!!! i want to hear Fujiiiiiiiii..OISHI SHOULD TRADE VOICE WITH TEZUKA!!!!!

2. ATEM VERY MONOTONOUS, NO LIFE, NO TONE INFLICTION. OI!!!!! YU GI AH!!!!! MAIN CHARACTER AH!!!!

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let's be upfront about this (2): health

i made a mistake. For 2 weeks i thought i could live without antibodicts. Just took cough and phelgm medicine. The 3rd week - this week - my cough became asthmatic cough and i vomitted many times.

Finally got my antibodicts but i'm too late for mild medication - the antibodicts didn't work.

Wanted to ask my semi-retired doctor for house visit - as he has already closed his clinic and does house visits - but i dun like the idea of house visits and furthermore i've to pay extra $5 for his transport fee while he goes from one country to another for leisure? And i may die waiting for him if i'd realised i'd pay overseas sms charge if he's in another country - i need another doctor.

i think somehow it's worth the 3 weeks wait as my mom told me about her company doctor - she's been doc-hopping too. And it seemed that the doctor's very experienced. Since we both have the same coughing problems i took her medication - and hell broke loose the next day. My body was wrecked with even more coughing fits as it forces me to spit out the phelgm - the medication worked!

Yesterday i went to see her company doctor. Vomitted first consumption of the medication - wasted. This morning my fever went up at about 3am. My mom affectionally massaged my head - (it's good to whine to your mom when she just finished brushing her teeth and washing her face XD), saying, "But of course, you haven't been sleeping for three days and three nights (coughing)" Actually i haven't been sleeping for 3 weeks. I soaked a towel with ice and water and laid it on my head - felt better after that. Even more - finally my mom was well enough to cook - and i finally got to eat my mom's cooking.

i'm a little better now, sweating in this hot weather - which means my temperature has lowered a little. i hope my health would make it in time for SOY.

after this horrendous ordeal i don't think i'll ever wanna play with my health again.

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got sicker

haven't been online for so long..too sick to. Asmathic cough - the type of cough that once u cough u keep coughing cos there's so much phelgm and my body's forcing me to spit - by coughing non-stop

not only that, my fever and running nose is back...from the sound of my voice you cannot recognise it's me..i sound like a broken record..XD

the problem is my cough is - how u say - it gets worse when the temperature drops, especially at night in this howling-wing-season. So i have to keep myself warm. But now i've got a fever..aargh..

one more week to Chinese New Year...will i get better then?

sigh..i can't stay too long at the pc cos i need to rest..i duno..people say the light from the TVs and monitors will weaken someone who's sick?

i wonder when Vassalord and Loveless will be out? And will I get to see my Trinity Blood again? Sigh... XD

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Wind Waker Unplugged and a little decision

i'm thinking of continuing my Business Administration..LCCI Diploma in Business Administration. Installment scheme cheap can afford. Part-time also. Dun care la. Would love to take it. But depends on whether my family can really afford.

now, the video

i rarely upload and rave about videos. i'm not a gamer and i'm getting tired of Maple Story since i haven't been playing for ages cos i need to download the thing all the time. But Nat showed a YouTube video of Fredrik Larsson who plays an excellent acoustic version of "Wind Waker" from the game "The Legends of Zelda", complete with many of himself playing every instrument and doing backup vocals - can download his mp3 too! Too see his video and stuffs including mp3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRv8gnBMiWM&fmt=18

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sick update and some cartoons (include Gundam spoilers) to yak about

changed cough mixture to Western, wanted to take 5ml 4 hourly but remembered that i'm sharing it with my mom

i sacrificed my life n compromised on Chinese and self-medication so that my mom, having a bad cough, can see the doctor -- i think my mom knows that. All i asked for was phelm pills. In the end, my mom 'sacrificed' her cough mixture by sharing with me

And..true, believe it or not, i bathe two days once, thanks to the weather i'm able to do that

No choice, really. i'm so weak that the slightest blow of the wind and i'm sized with coughing fits until you'll hear me wheezing for breath - almost Raistlin of Dragonlance but not that bad la

i dun mind taking Panadol flu every 4 hours and spitting phelgm. i just want the cough to leave me, that is all cos i was worry i'd get pneumonia and end up in hospital for it again

anyway, on lighter notes..

"Jackieee Chaaan, where's the talisman.."

i like Jackie Chan (second from left) Adventures, dam fonnie when the Uncle (extreme left with the vase) starts speaking in his funny Cantonese-English accent, "one more thing" or "Jackieee" or"aiyaaa!!!" and he starts cracking jokes. And guess what? Valmont (extreme right) is voiced by my favourite actor Julian Sands for some time!!!

ah yes! Gundam tonite...yeeeeah..quickquick Season 2 i want to see Tieria in his female disguise...MOEEEE in the ballroom!!!!!! He's sooooo...siiigh..*swoon*

TIERIA (left) NO.1 IN MY CELESTIAL BEING LIST!!!

Neil Dylandy (right) second!!!

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-fom-

i realised more deeply

heavy adverse reaction to people having better lives than mine saying stupid idiotic things is not necessary. They have the right to live, to laugh, to say anything cliche-happy for all they want cos they're in their happy moments. Cos i was there too: i have mine, foolish or stupid or just pure harmeless fun.

be that way, i will smile a sad smile, as my heart aches with a lost that cries out silently in pain, asking a million "whys"

but then, i'm reminded of the abovementioned again, and i'm a little calm

and the thing that i'm shocked about is: i have writer's block for Tezuka/Fuji fanfic..i can't believe it..i have a writer's block for my favourite fic series?! sonnaaaaaaa!!!

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taking a risk

i'm sick but not working, why should i see a doctor? i'm saving every cent that i can for the family. i'm now taking the biggest risk: my life

i'm coughing, still not seeing a doctor knowing that i've pneumonia before.

i've degarded my running nose medicine to Panadol flu non-drowsy, realised that i can take it 4 hourly.

i'm still refusing antobidicts, for the first time in 31 years..i hope i'm not too late for my body to produce its own. It will weaken my body more, but as i said, i'm at home, jobless, why not take the risk?

So here's my dosage which i'm gonna start:
Panadol flu non-drowsy 1 tablet every 4 hours
Chinese cough mixture 1 tablespoon every 2 hours
1 mug water every 30 mins to 1 hour
rest when body starts screaming for it

since i'm that forgetful i've set my handphone alarm..grr, it doesn't have the automatic hourly alarm feature, so i had to manually key in 4 hourly for Panadol flu and 2 hourly for cough..if this works, i'm gonna continue this

and yes...someday i wish to be a programmer or at least a website designer. Kai's already a programmer in his own ways and can speak, write and understand Japanese (tosai-ben?! XD), so is Lay Peng with her Japanese and basic 'coding' - could say they are my motivation - not to surpass them, my brain's too simple, please - but just a little of where they are (Kai draws zeros while i'm still wondering what's pencil and paper XD).

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undaunted

absolutely

i've learnt to be thick-skinned too. That day when my '6am work' was not used i told myself i am going to upload it in a video format - i am the webmaster after all ;p

Surprisingly i did it today - of all the days when i'm so sick that i can tear from my running nose and cough my lungs out, refusing to see doctor for antibodicts as advised by Kak

And i didn't borther much of the details as it's already previously done. All i did was to do up a few new ones and..i forgot how long it took

not linking either, dun wan to get flamed or pple to end up being intimidated knowing the other side of me. This side's fine enuff cos i'm still pissed

maa ii, as long as it's uploaded - yaay! XD

Earworm: Daybreak's Bell (L'Arc~en~Ciel), Love Today (Taja)

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Tezuka x Fuji fanfic (warning some BL parts)

if i load in fanfiction. net i think i may be flamed cos i think it's almost out of character XD but i dun care as i'm not loading there

please click here to read

after watching Junjou Romantica, i was wondering how it's like to be a guy, just for once frolicking around like a Misaki, having a guy to take care of me...

that's how influenced i am of anime, bringing me to another world

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with sore throat cough and running nose

Christmas is almost over...sadly, my Gundam wish-list have yet to come true. Somehow getting a feel of how it's like to sit in a Mobile Suit and make it walk fascinates me. And there's only one in my circle who knows this feeling and beyond and we can really talk about it

i'm just affected by the drowsy medicine. it has become a day of oblivious to the max. i'm a living being so quiet and lifeless that almost nothing fascinates me - i can only busy my brains with watching TV n not being able to do my self-paced study

the word "eat" has become an obligation, not a joy, since i must eat to take medication - and that's depressing

somehow while typing this Kai's entry still is in my head. i wish i could write like him - he has this unique style that only he can de-crypt what he's writing - i like that but can never do that, the only encryption method XD i can do is poetry

still looking forward to SOY

there's nothing fulfilling in my life except anime and related-anime. Reality's too cruel for me that i run to my hiding places for often than ever - and i'm glad some of my friends have provided me the shelter (LP: in this season thanks for 'tolerating' my Gundam-Tieria-Sestuna-Loveless ravings..more exact seasons to come XD when u become manager, remember jobless-me nya?)

Atobe-sama...let's get it started shall we :3 ? can't wait to see it uploaded..heehee..

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the next day

officially sick

anyway yesterday i braved my condition to go for the meeting - wouldn't want to miss it. Miss meeting Lay Peng, Kai and Wee Siong and a little excited in meeting new friends from the school. Realised most of them are my senpai, regardless of age, of course! but in case u really wanna know - i'm the oldest but noisy XD

got to knw more what happened to our school. it's really unfortunate but we've decided to move on: getting to know each other, coming down to a meeting n we did! To me, as long as the day had served its purpose all's well to me

thanks to these friends of mine, they've taught me to take things in a less stressful manner

but the thing now is to fight the habit of snapping when i'm irritated

Derf's latest entry rockZ!!! watzat?!! a story?!!! love it!!!

i wish i have a laptop to work with...sigh..

anyway, looking for a job seems futile...until the day i find one ba

oh ya...Lay Peng's looking for a wig to complete her cosplay. Wonder if Kai n Wee Siong are gonna cosplay for SOY too? i'm not gonna cosplay but i'm going to dress up a bit, haha..not much but thank goodness i'm gonna cos i'm going with my friends who have a high chance they might.

sigh..saw Gundam 00 illustration book..Setsuna looks Ritsuka - of course, cos both characters are from the same illustrator Yun Kouga..I WAAAAAAN..why the **** i dun have a job yet!

seriously..i'm starting to blog like a kid.."today i - , yesterday i -"

but that's what i've been doing ever since the first day i blog ;p

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aah..

Happy New Year

had a hard time getting onto the internet just now. Heard there was some problem...i tot it was my pc's again

so many things have happened that i've come to take things 1 day at a time - i wouldn't do that if i'm asked to do so in the beginning of 2008

i'm excited about tmw cos i'm going to see Kai, Wee Siong and Lay Peng - hope to share more fun than ever before:)

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